AGS Quotes pre-2006
From Kent Adventure Gaming Society Wiki
Here is a selection of RPG quotes, collected over the last decade (almost) by
Anthony Smith (until October 1999) and Richard Bellingham (since October 1999).
The original copy of this came from
Last update: January 2006 (most recent quotes at the bottom).
"I'm claiming diplomanic immunity." - Stuart.
"How well can you swim if you're manacled?" - Stuart.
"You're related to the rest of the family, aren't you?" - Ian.
"He looks quite well, apart from his appearance." - Mark.
"You see an old man. Bald, white hair." - Stuart.
"There's a load of yaks who want to come over and kill you in
Japan." - Stuart.
"I'll hand over my weapons if you'll hand over yours." - Adam,
to some security guards.
"You burst in through the room." - Stuart.
"Place your figure there and there." - Stuart.
"The only thing going for that accusation is that it's true."
- Anthony.
"He's been useful. Let him die now." - Adam, discussing whether
or not to aid a character in trouble.
"OK then, that's the plan. I go in and kill myself." - Stuart.
"You've known my character longer than I have." - Stuart.
"We eat the whole population of roast squirrel." - Stuart.
"Can a halfling use a long bow?" - Stuart.
"Lose left arm, lose left right arm, lose right arm...."
- Stuart, listing the possibilities after a PC had received a
critical hit. The PC in question did not have a third arm.
"He died a lot and got tortured a bit." - Stuart.
"Do you know who this is?" - Adam, pointing at the GM and
referring to a NPC the party had just met.
"He's our GM." - Matt.
"Damn, we've gone back to the plot." - Anthony.
"He's an elf; human." - Stuart.
"He walks into the middle of, like, you." - Stuart, talking to
a single person.
"I can use my climbing gear to tell them to come up." - Mark.
"I remember the last time my chest disintegrated in front of
me...." - Matt.
"Take your fate like a dwarf, you stupid elf!" - Cedric.
"Oh bugger, I made it!" - Alex.
"You add a Strength point for breaking your wrist?" - Anthony.
"Let's head for that plot device." - Anthony.
"The one he hit survived, but another two died?" - Anthony.
"Some of us are more unconscious than others." - Cedric.
"He's a traitor?!" - Mark.
"No, he has a trace of a Scottish accent." - Stuart.
"Are you a vampire?" - Mark.
"No, I just don't like sunlight." - Anthony.
"I'm not pointing my head in his direction." - Mark.
"It's good quality poisoned food." - Ian.
"Do you value your life or money?" - Mark.
"Neither." - Stuart.
"Other people cock their crossbows, he cocks his horse."
- Rose.
"I'm currently inserting my elbow into his face." - Mark.
"I'm going to put my horse between my legs." - Mark.
"I need healing badly...." - Mark.
"I can heal you badly!" - Stuart.
"Is she speaking?" - Mark.
"Sometimes." - Adam.
"You fell asleep. Brilliant piece of leadership, that." - Adam.
"Is there a Bed & Breakfast around here?" - Mark.
"A pair of jeans cost 45 quid." - Stuart.
"Before I give you anything you require, you must give me
something you require." - Stuart.
"Can you tell us what we've been talking about?" - Mark.
"He is my lard." - Stuart.
"I think not." - Stuart.
"We noticed that." - Adam.
"I didn't mean nuke it as in blow it up." - Mark.
"Who are you?" - Mark.
"Don't know." - Stuart.
"Poor dogs. Someone's doing this to them." - Mark, talking
about some three-headed dingos he was fighting.
"You." - Adam.
"They're not the normal type of thing you see around here."
- Stuart as NPC guide, talking about the above three-headed
dingos.
"The Seattle sewer system does not extend to Australia"
- Unknown.
"The bigger they are, the easier it is for them to stomp on
you" - Adam.
"I have two pieces of bad news. The second one is, we need to
borrow money to rebuild the temple." - Jan.
"Good morning." - Eric.
"Good morning." - Anthony, as nearby hidden bandit.
"Nasty tower. Shall we kill it?" - Mark.
"I dive off the side - no, cancel that!" - Stuart, as his
character triggered a trap on the top of a castle wall.
"Of course, it could be a chicken rune, like a poltroon."
- Ian.
"I call it cheating that some of you carry demons around with
you." - Mark.
"What are these opposite doors, are they open?" - Mark.
"No, they're wooden." - Stuart.
"How badly dead is he?" - Mark.
"These two are exactly the same, apart from...." - Stuart.
"You know how you get emotions personified? Well, I'm bad
grammar persified." - Stuart.
"A few days later, like tomorrow...." - Stuart.
"Hello. I am a pyschopath. Am I supposed to be meeting you
tonight?" - Mark, in a phone conversation with a possible hirer
of the party.
"I'm acting like a team leader, I'm not acting responsible."
- Mark.
"You hadn't seen him for three days, and then he disappeared?"
- Adam.
"Sorry, I am not temporarily sane at the moment." - Mark.
"Minotaurs aren't that bad, it's when you have to face
majortaurs...." - Ian.
"Dusk is too early, it's still daylight then." - Mark.
"What did he look like when he was dead?" - Stuart.
"Oy, boney!" - Stuart, to a lich.
"Hey, fangface!" - Anthony, to a vampire.
"I've got a bit more combat experience than the average
bridesmaid." - Stuart.
"On the altar, there's three priests." - Mark.
"Some people call me a mercenary...." - Stuart.
"Does anyone call you Maurice?" - Adam, speaking to someone who
was not named Maurice.
"We're never going to get anywhere by beating people up." -
Rob.
"That's a matter of opinion." - Mark.
"What is your name?" - Mark.
"I don't know yet." - Ben.
"Stand by and prepare to be bored." - Ben.
"Is he dead?" - Stuart, referring to someone with the upper
half of his torso bitten off.
"I'm not here to loot and pillage this tomb." - Stuart.
"Which tomb are you here to loot?" - Adam.
"Who can survive longest in a vacuum?" - Mark.
"She dies, but she doesn't die." - Stuart.
"I'm spreading out." - Mark.
"I don't wish to harm you, so I challenge you to a duel."
- Stuart.
"If we come in a gunship, we won't look suspicious." - Mark.
"He comes out carrying a flight bag, and gets in." - Stuart.
"An eerie silence covers the whole ship... except the engines."
- Stuart.
"We open the first chest." - Adam.
"A series of traps beyond all mortal comprehension kills you."
- Stuart.
"OK. We move onto the next chest." - Adam.
"But he's dead." - Stuart, referring to checking to see whether
a NPC took some damage.
"Well, he might get worse." - Anthony.
"You're not here. Stop talking to me." - Anthony.
"On three, you rush him." - Stuart.
"I go and check Kaarf." - Stuart.
"He's very dead." - Mark.
"Oh dear. (Pause) I take his crossbow." - Stuart.
"Did you know this being?" - Mark.
"No." - Stuart.
"Yes." - Anthony, in quick succession.
"I told you this wasn't a Chinese takeaway." - Dave 1, as
crossbowmen step through doors and surround the party
immediately after they entered a building.
"There are 200 of them, and 7 of us. The odds are quite good."
- Stuart.
"Could you hand over your weapon, please?" - Stuart.
"Which one?" - Mark.
"150, and I'll be cutting my own throat." - Rob.
"200, and I'll cut it for you." - Stuart.
"I reckon we should go east. East is only partly certain
death." - Stuart.
"I reckon we should go east." - Stuart.
"West it is, then." - Adam.
"Your armour - watch what you do with it about our place."
- Mark.
"I'll be careful not to assault anyone with it." - Stuart.
"He rides a lot of trebbas." - Mark.
"Surely he can only ride one at once." - Adam.
"I dangle my purse repeatedly." - Stuart.
"I point him out out of the corner of my mouth." - Rose.
"He's been new in town for a while." - Mark.
"I know who this is!" - Stuart.
"Who is he?" - The rest of the party.
"(Pause) I don't know." - Stuart.
"I'm going to practise my two-handed axe on my horse."
- Stuart.
"I'm loading my lasso." - Stuart.
"We attack under cover of daylight." - Anthony.
"I think we should leave." - Mark.
"I already have." - Adam.
"Can I hit him with the flat of my garotte?" - Mark.
"This is silly. I just rolled 17 dice on 3 dice." - Stuart.
"On 19, some more bushes appear over here." - Stuart.
"You can move every action... except ones that aren't yours."
- Stuart.
"Can you take me where I want to go?" - Stuart.
"What do you think this is, a ferry?" - Anthony.
"I'll give you 20,000." - Stuart.
"Welcome to the ferry." - Anthony.
"You're actually shooting her?" - Stuart.
"Only in the head." - Adam.
"Didn't they have breakfast here before?" - Adam.
"About two people." - Stuart.
"He fell down the stairs." - Adam, to hotel security, referring
to a corpse with a large hole burned in it's chest.
"This is still the previous day for me, I don't know about
you." - Anthony.
"There's two tins of Chinapple Punks." - Stuart.
"There are two people asleep." - Stuart.
"How many?" - Adam.
"You can easily go through the wall." - Stuart.
"I am aware of your quest." - Rob.
"Could you tell us?" - Anthony.
"They'll see you coming a mile off. Hang on... we are a mile
off!" - Stuart.
"What's a death knight?" - Richard 1.
"Someone who can't hear." - Adam.
"He is of such power, he could probably kill the whole castle."
- Stuart.
"But he'd have to bring it to life first." - Anthony.
"Cerillian, can you look at these doors?" - Stuart.
"Nice doors." - Rob.
"We could shoot a crossbow into it and see what happens."
- Stuart.
"Shooting a crossbow bolt might be a better idea." - Anthony.
"Wouldn't it increase his unarmed combat?" - Spog, talking
about a PC who lost an arm.
"It didn't notice the bison charging towards it?" - Adam.
"What is the plan, then?" - Mark.
"How do you know about our plan?" - Richard 2.
"The farther we get from it's lair, the weaker it gets. So, we
go to Scotland." - Adam.
(Note: The party was in Seattle at the time.)
"Look, I'm a doctor, not a doctor." - Stuart.
"We've had odd experiences with young girls." - Stuart.
"Would you like a hired car to meet you at the airport?"
- Stuart.
"No, we'd like a lowered one." - Adam.
"I'll have to see a veterinarian's certificate, or he won't be
able to fly." - Stuart.
"He won't be able fly anyway. He's a dog." - Adam.
"She hands you a form." - Stuart.
"Thanks. Can we keep this?" - Adam.
"Anything that can be used as a weapon has to be taken and put
in a separate hold." - Stuart.
"Does that include my hands?" - Adam.
"Your luggage doesn't turn up." - Stuart.
"I'll take someone else's then." - Richard 1.
"He's very screwed up mentally." - Mark.
"Perhaps we should ask him to join the party." - Stuart.
"I'll take off all my armour and just wear a cloak." - Mark.
"What, just a cloak?" - Anthony.
"Can you do something to make me throw up?" - Rose.
"Could you cook something?" - Anthony, to Stuart.
"There is a monk - a person in monkey robes." - Rob.
"Ook." - Mark.
"That's good. I've just been given two sets of rations."
- Stuart.
"Yes, but you're giving me mine back when you've finished with
them. Wait, let me rephrase that...." - Anthony.
"This would be a good place to build a tower." - Stuart.
"We haven't got time." - Mark.
"Does anybody have anything large, blunt and nonmagical?"
- Rob.
"There's a dwarf there." - Adam, referring to a party member.
"I'm afraid your master's no longer with us. He exploded."
- Rob.
"Oh. He didn't tell me." - Mark.
"Stuart? You seem to have two ounces of backpack on your
equipment list." - Anthony.
"It's quite simple. We hide behind each other." - Anthony.
"I can't surround the entire building by myself." - Anthony.
"Oh, by the way, there's someone hanging out the window half-
scorched. I should have mentioned that." - Rob.
"There's a muffled sound from the cellar." - Anthony.
"Muffled sound from the cellar." - Mark.
"Muffins from the cellar." - Stuart.
"There's a muffin seller outside." - Rose.
"I was doing well until they broke my leg." - Stuart.
"I will hit him." - Maurizio, in a firm voice.
"You're unconscious." - The rest of the party.
"So... anybody else need healing?" - Anthony, after a party
member was ripped in two.
"He grabs it gently." - Mark.
"Well, this is an ingenious way to get to the front of the
party." - Stuart, after falling and sliding down a rocky slope.
"Do you round up or down?" - Stuart.
"Up." - Mark.
"Oh good, I made it." - Stuart.
"Down." - Mark.
"I will now commune with my god." - Mark.
"Tell him I said hi." - Stuart.
"I think some of us would rather die than live under forced
coercion. Isn't that right, Ryal?" - Stuart.
"I casually load my crossbow." - Stuart.
"I took no damage. I died once, but...." - Jan.
"When there's a bereavement in the family, it's very hard to
come to terms with. Especially when it's you." - Richard 2.
"Your wine comes." - Stuart.
"How much?" - Anthony.
"A glass." - Stuart.
"I meant how much money." - Anthony.
"I was just surveying you from the bar over there...." - Steve.
"You're not going to build a road through us?" - Anthony.
"Is he a spy?" - Adam.
"Yeah, there's a back door." - Stuart.
"I am here to help you." - Mark.
"Ah. Are you the plumber?" - Stuart.
"We come from a civilised country, where anyone who says
anything against you gets twatted." - Richard 1.
"Evening comes...." - Rob.
"Bugger off, evening." - Mark.
"That's quite a useful box. We can put anything we don't like
in it?" - Mark.
"How big is it? Can we fit one of Stuart's characters in it?"
- Anthony.
"I come to seek adventure." - Ivan.
"Next door." - Anthony.
"I'm going to slip back into the shadows." - Stuart.
"On your horse?" - Rob.
"I'm going to put my sword through his throat, then slap him
around a bit to see if he wakes up." - Stuart.
"I must decide what to do with my 6 foot by 2 foot piece of
crocodile skin." - Rose.
"Like an alien with a large tailor." - Mark.
"I warn you, I have powerful friends." - Stuart.
"What are your powerful friends going to do?" - Mark.
"Attend his funeral." - Anthony.
"I have killed many of your kind." - Stuart commencing
diplomatic negotiations.
"I am subtle, remember. I just kill everyone I meet." - Mark.
"They don't notice his smoking chest at all?" - Adam.
"First he's going to die, then he's going to want to die."
- Anthony.
"Can you heal her?" - Stuart.
"As you turn round to say that, her head explodes." - Mark.
"No." - Adam.
"We might be able to ride out the storm in the hut." - Stuart.
"I grab the dwarf by the beard and drag him away." - Stuart.
"He looks very out of it... especially with the hole in his
chest." - Mark.
"Actually, this'll make me a better archer." - Stuart, after
losing a finger.
"We have come to see the oracle." - Stuart.
"You are looking at him." - Mark.
"You were looking at the curtains, weren't you?" - Adam.
(Note: The PC in question had just been looking at the
curtains.)
"Sounds like an interesting challenge for a party of bold
adventurers." - Stuart.
"However, we on the other hand...." - Anthony.
"His castle is full of dead people." - Jan.
"Define dead here...." - Anthony.
"Are they alive dead people?" - Dave 1.
"I'm backing towards the window." - Stuart.
"Have you got tongues?" - Stuart.
"I've got one." - Adam.
"What's written on their drum?" - Richard 1.
"This is a drum." - Richard 2.
"Drop your weapons." - Stuart.
"That might take some time." - Richard 1.
"Don't go into the sewers." - Adam.
"We're in the sewers." - Spog.
"Oh yeah." - Adam.
"At least I got my watch back." - Richard 2, after losing his
right arm.
"Can you roll your... oh, shit." - Stuart.
"Do you have oh shit skill?" - Adam.
"Is there actually any disadvantage to losing an arm?"
- Richard 2.
"You don't get crossed off the book of grudges just because
you're dead." - Richard 1.
"I'm clapping my mouth over her mouth. I mean my hand."
- Richard 1.
"He's drooling slightly from one mouth." - Rob.
"Are there any torturers in here?" - Richard 1.
"Yes, there are some on the walls, but they're not lit." - Rob.
"Have you seen Shockwave around?" - Stuart.
"Not since he died, no." - Adam.
"I'll just slide into the table." - Stuart.
"This person has just slid over and knocked the table over."
- Anthony.
"So, introduce me to your friend." - Stuart.
"This is my friend." - Adam.
"We'll finish our meal before we discuss dinner." - Stuart.
"Can you dodge throwing weapons?" - Stuart.
"Not after they've killed you, no." - Ian.
"What would a psychologist make of him?" - Richard 2.
"A risotto would be nice." - Spog.
"Here, take this. It's an Ares Squirt gun filled with atropine;
it should disorientate him." - Stuart.
"Here, take this. It's a machine gun; it might disorientate him
a bit more." - Spog.
"I'm looking for a book." - Anthony, then proceeding to name
the book.
"That'll cost 15,000 gold." - Jan.
"Do you have that in paperback?" - Anthony.
"My brother was the son of the high priest." - Richard 1.
"So you're presumably the son of the high priest as well." -
Dave 1.
"There's someone sitting at a desk, he has bald hair." - Mark.
"Will he let us have it?" - Rob, talking about a demon guarding
a box.
"He would rather kill you and consume your souls." - Mark.
"That's a no, then?" - Dave 1.
"Oh, it's in my legs - oh, that's alright, I've got legs." -
Rose, talking about the hit location of a blow.
"I haven't finished my drink yet. Go away when I've finished."
- Stuart.
"This ring comes from an ancient source, made from the greatest
smiths..." - Stuart.
"I don't think that was supposed to happen." - Stuart, after
the sea rises up and swallows a ship.
"I've heard tales of attackers being travelled." - Mark.
"What's wrong with your right arm? Is it decapitated?" - Mark.
"Red, white or wine?" - Mark.
"It would be useful to have someone responsible there." -
Anthony.
"I'm responsible." - Adam.
"Yes; it's what you're responsible for that bothers me." -
Anthony.
"Drop your weapons and move away from the girl!" - Stuart, at a
point when no character was anywhere near the person in question.
"Hang on; we made a perception roll to see the sniper, and
those who succeeded heard a van coming?" - Adam.
"Every now and again, I'll butcher a mouse." - Jan
"All of his insides have turned into jelly, and he's gone all
squidgy." - Stuart, as party doctor.
"That's your medical opinion, is it?" - Adam.
"I wouldn't start arguing with the head of the military about
this, as he's very titchy." - Stuart.
"What you did was send 5 people to their deaths." - Mark.
"Well, it was supposed to be 12 originally." - Stuart.
"Only this party would go in to kill someone and end up having
breakfast with him." - Anthony.
"Why did you break into my home?" - Mark
"The window was open. We thought you wanted us to come in." -
Richard 1.
"What did you do to him?" - Stuart
"He was dead, so I cut his head off." - Richard 2.
"Did you see anything whilst you were in the hut?" - Al.
"An uninteresting floorboard, some clothes, some kitchen knives,
a cuddly toy, a video recorder...." - Snowy.
"I'll climb in the window... hang on, I'll try the door first."
- Dave 2.
"The door opens." - Mark.
"You see a sign saying 'Warning: The map ends here. Please turn
back.'" - Stuart.
"You approach the monolith. It's basically a, er... what's the
word?" - Mark.
"Monolith?" - Stuart.
"You don't use a magic sword to sharpen a tree." - Dave 1,
after a PC wished to borrow a sword to do just that.
"I'll clap my hand over his mouth, and ask him who Baron
Kharkov is." - Rose, talking about a yelling prisoner.
"Mmmmmm." - Mark.
"What's the password?" - Mark, as skeleton guard, to a PC who
greatly resembled the castle owner.
"I need no password." - Anthony.
"Tell him there's a new password." - Adam (whispering).
"The new password is 'penguin'." - Anthony.
"Penguin?" - Mark.
"Very good. You may pass." - Anthony; at which the skeleton
walked past him and off into the countryside.
"Line of sight doesn't mean you have to be able to see it." -
Richard 2.
"I can get you one in two days really cheaply, or I can get you
one in a few weeks but it'll be really expensive." - Stuart.
"There's flowers and potplants everywhere." - Stuart.
"But not one within the other?" - Anthony.
"I can get you one in two days." - Stuart.
"I don't want one in two days; I want one in a few weeks!" -
Mark.
"At 8 o'clock, at various different times...." - Stuart.
"If you'll just take the elevator up to the top floor...." -
Stuart.
"Can't it take us up instead?" - Adam.
"They're with me." - Adam, as the party enters an office
building.
"Who are you?" - Stuart.
"He's with me." - Anthony.
"And she's with me." - Spog.
"And he's with me." - Mark.
"Are we all with you?" - Spog.
"No, you're with the Woolwich." - Adam.
"Could you check your weapons with the security guards,
please." - Stuart.
"Yep, got them." - Adam.
"Could you hand over your knife and sign for it, please." -
Stuart.
"Ok. Hand it over, sign for it, then take it back." - Adam.
"There's a receptionist standing inside." - Stuart.
"They couldn't afford a desk, then?" - Anthony.
"She's standing behind a desk." - Stuart.
"So they couldn't afford a chair, then?" - Adam.
"If you'd just like to take seats..." - Stuart.
"Ok, let's go." - Mark, miming picking up a chair.
"As my father used to say, 'use a thief to catch a thief', no
offence." - Stuart.
"Did he always add the 'no offence'?" - Anthony.
"It looks like it was in some sort of explosion." - Stuart.
"That's because it was in some sort of explosion." - Anthony.
"Explosion?" - Stuart.
"Yes; it was in some sort of explosion." - Adam.
"I wouldn't call it an oil rig in front of the architects, if
you value your lives." - Stuart.
"So these architects can take out a party of armed
shadowrunners?" - Anthony.
"Why don't you hire the architects to guard the conference?" -
Adam.
"It says under scout you need a mail shirt...." - Mark.
"Can you have a female shirt instead?" - Stuart.
"Can we lock them from the inside?" - Stuart, talking about the
doors to a stable the party wished to leave the horses in.
"From the inside?" - Mark.
"Yes. If we lock them from the inside, we can stop other people
coming in." - Stuart.
"But then we can't get out." - Adam.
"We can always unlock them again and go out." - Stuart.
"I'll flip open the sword with my door." - Stuart.
"Shh! Be quiet, I can hear lots of people moving behind us.
(Pause) It's the rest of the party." - Stuart, whilst scouting.
"There's a door on the outside of the wall." - Mark.
"But only on the outside of the wall?" - Anthony.
"Quails don't fly, they bounce." - Stuart.
"The guard says to you, 'What's wrong?'" - Rob.
"There's a shuriken in my leg!" - Stuart.
"Ninjas aren't killing machines." - Stuart.
"I have my mother's eyes and my father's syphilis." - Stuart.
"The stones are cunningly disguised as small roundish sheets
of metal." - Stuart, as the party expressed interest at his pouch
of "stones".
"I have had several attempts on my lives." - Mark.
"What is this 'Tie up your affairs'? He expects us to tie up
members of the populace?" - Stuart.
"Only if you've been having affairs with them." - Anthony.
"Polar bears are good at climbing trees." - Stuart.
"I suggest I go ahead and check for traps." - Paul.
"That's all very well and good, but we've got a boat." - Mark.
"You can't pass a heavy lance off as a ring!" - Anthony.
"What were you doing on a fishing boat?" - Anthony.
"Fishing?" - Mark.
"Can everyone check their backpacks to make sure we haven't got
any more dark, evil liches with us?" - Stuart.
"Can you wear them unobtrusively?" - Richard 1, talking about
knuckle dusters.
"Tie yourself to the rigging!" - Mark.
"I didn't think this boat had any rigging?" - Richard 1.
"Fuck! What have I tied myself to?!" - Anthony.
"Surrender now or I will be forced to die horribly." - Anthony,
when greatly outnumbered and outpowered.
"Stuart, what's your current character? I've lost track." -
Rose.
"Did you hear what I said, Stuart?" - Anthony.
"Yes. (Pause) Hang on, what did you say?" - Stuart.
"We didn't notice the 40 storey building at all?" - Adam.
"Sorry, I mistook myself for a god." - Stuart (sincerely).
"All of these snotlings charge out of the wall at you." - Rob.
"This is the beginning of a an encounter, isn't it?" - Richard 1.
"They were carrying lots of pack horses." - Mark.
"It's your bet." - Stuart, playing poker whilst on watch.
"There's a 10 foot high monster coming." - Adam (nonchalantly).
"I'm waiting for someone to repair the field rations." -
Stuart.
"We spent some time with the wild krim. They're quite
hospital." - Stuart.
"They're all human, except for the troll." - Stuart.
"Is the nuclear missile armed?" - Richard 2.
"Yes, it's got an uzi." - Adam.
"I look confused." - Dave 1.
"I'll look confused as well then. It might be some form of
custom." - Anthony, as a character who was alien to the culture.
"They all died." - Robert, talking about his fellow soldiers.
"Where?" - Adam.
"Oh, here, there, and everywhere...." - Robert.
"Do you want to tell him your name?" - Dave 1 to Stuart, who
just looked at him blankly.
"You wish to hire yourself out?" - Mark, in an annoyed voice.
"Did I mention hiring out? (Pause) We charge reasonable rates." -
Stuart.
"Can you get more?" - Adam, talking to a horse dealer who
didn't like him very much, when he wants to buy a dozen horses
(the seller only had 10).
"No." - Mark.
"So what happens when you run out? Do you close?" - Adam.
"I'm keeping a bow nocked to my arrow." - Stuart.
"I'm looking them over and checking them out using my general
knowledge of carts, which I don't have." - Stuart.
"Anybody want to help me paint this cart?" - Stuart.
"Got any paint?" - Dave 1.
"No." - Stuart.
"I'll take a torch and go looking for this gunpowder." -
Robert.
"There are lots of posters applying for caravan guards." -
Stuart.
"I drew my sword and missed quite well." - Rob.
"I'm going to to go and try and find a chest big enough to hold
several double-handed weapons." - Richard 1.
"Would it be better if I took my armour off, though?" - Richard
1, talking about going out to eat dinner.
"Kien's just sitting in the campfire." - Mark.
"He's dead." - Richard 1.
"Can I get my third attack in, then?" - Mark.
"Is anyone going to give me any money to get all this stuff?" -
Adam.
"I'll give you one gold crown." - Dave 1.
"Thanks; but are you going to give me any money to get all this
stuff?" - Adam.
"Does he notice I look like a corpse?" - Richard 1.
"Eat? Drink? Food?" - Richard 1, whilst simultaneously miming
appropriate actions, to someone who couldn't speak the same
language.
"Conga?" - Stuart.
"We need to hire a competent mage from the Mages' Guild." -
Stuart.
"No we don't; we have Kiliandren." - Richard 1.
"We need to hire a competent mage from the Mages' Guild." -
Stuart.
"I don't know why you want sleep gas, but...." - Rob.
"In case we come across any sleeping guards." - Richard 1.
"She drowned bravely." - Mark.
"How much do you charge for a gold coin?" - Richard 1.
"I don't have a dwarf stronghold on the back of my sheet." -
Rose.
"You are not an empire of the citizens...." - Stuart, to a
party member.
"Why have I got big reductions on all my stats?" - Mark.
"You're dead!" - Stuart.
"I draw my throat." - Dave 1.
"I follow etiquette," - Stuart, whose repeated examples of not
doing so appear throughout this document.
"I don't like members of the party going around insulting krim
nobles." - Stuart.
"That's his job." - Anthony.
"I don't like insinuations against members of the party, so
could you show us the contents of your backpack." - Stuart, to a
member of the party.
"A fish doesn't look like a floating skull, it's unnatural and
unholy!" - Stuart.
"He will laminate lots of undead." - Jan.
"I hate Kellarn!" - Rob.
"So do I, but he's fun at parties!" - Stuart.
"Evening, Captain? Would you like to take a seat? Pull up a
drink." - Stuart.
"When you get home... the door's still there!" - Stuart.
"A lot of the clothing looks empty." - Stuart.
"There are some strange things floating in the ice." - Stuart.
"Have you got any contacts in the morgue?" - Spog.
"Yeah, my uncle died yesterday." - Stuart.
"Nothing unnerves me. (Pause) Can we go now?" - Stuart 2, in a
disturbing room.
"What's the ground like?" - Anthony.
"I don't know... earthy?" - Mark.
"I've got this nagging sense of something at the back of my
head." - Stuart.
"That's hair." - Anthony.
"You can hear smells going throughout the kitchen." - Stuart.
"They didn't take my clothes off just because I was
unconscious." - Richard 2.
"I've got unarmed combat at 8... but I don't think I've got
anything to do unarmed combat with." - Al.
"Oh what? She's dead?" - Paul, about somebody whose head came
off.
"If the plane is unrecoverable, retrieve the fight recorder." -
Stuart, in a handout.
"We're lost." - Dave 1, when it was pointed out that the
party's ship should be in the sea.
"That arrow was in your shoulder. The next will track left and
slightly down." - Stuart.
"You actually hit him in the leg." - Mark.
"I put the sword on the table in it's scarab." - Stuart.
"He's a woman." - Sarmad.
"I'm just a stranger from these parts." - Sarmad.
"We fight amongst his banner." - Mark.
"He carefully jacks into the explosives." - Stuart.
"[The chip] is in the safety deposit box." - Richard 2.
"What did you do with the key?" - Stuart.
"That's also in the... oh, no." - Richard 2.
"Why do we have to save the world, at all?" - Mark.
"Something seems to be bothering you." - Rob.
"Yes, my neck is vibrating." - Snowy.
"Can you have it ready for exactly about one o'clock today?" -
Stuart.
"You're driving along the train tracks...." - Stuart, to a
player driving a van.
"The night goes on into the wee hours of the morning..." -
Stuart.
"There's a lot of useless stuff around." - Stuart.
"Like party members?" - Anthony.
"Did she catch that from you?" - Corin, whilst studying a list
of the medical complaints of the dead lover of a PC.
"What, death?" - Paul.
"Weren't you supposed to be dead at some point?" - Paul.
"Oh shit, I've got a leather jerkin...." - Sarmad, after
spending 10 minutes arguing with the ship's quartermaster about
borrowing a leather jerkin.
"First, an apology on behalf of my dearest friend... what was
your name again?" - Sarmad.
"Casually undress the sword." - Dave 3.
"I'm running in twelve different directions." - Stuart.
"These are archers after my own heart. (Pause) I think that's a
bad word to use, actually." - Stuart.
"I'm running over to these people, check whether they're alive
and give them a bit of healing potion if they're not." - Stuart,
talking about wounded NPCs.
"I wouldn't go home if I were you." - Paul.
"Er, I'm home at the moment." - Richard 2.
"It's the middle of the night, but you don't know it because
you're asleep." - Anthony.
"There's a storm brewing." - Mark.
"I thought it was tea." - Stuart.
"I reckon we need more than two people if we're going to kill
her." - Dave 3, right in front of the previously unsuspecting
person he's talking about.
"... A battle about which you can tell your children, and your
grandchildren after that." - Stuart.
"About how we caught an old woman in a cave, and beat her to
death." - Dave 3.
"Wear this in your head." - Mark.
"You just do a forward roll out." - Stuart, as a character
tries to ram a door with a forklift truck.
"Would you mind calling your rabbit off, please?" - Richard 1.
"Evil sorceror! User of blood magic!" - Stuart.
"Yes? (Pause) Only joking. (Pause) Acid stream." - Adam.
"I just thought I'd wander out of the brig." - Stuart.
"Shall I put that down on my desciption?" - Dave 1, when
informed his character's hair has been turned into feathers.
"You can just wear a heavy cloak." - Stuart, talking about
disguising an 8 foot tall, horned and winged PC.
"You must have many interesting tales." - Stuart.
"No, they evolved away a long time ago." - Corin.
"It's time for a morale-boosting tune." - Stuart.
"(Rolls dice) Take two wounds." - Dave 1.
"[The rooms cost 5 gold crowns for the night.]" - Mark.
"Then I will pay you 4 gold crowns." - Stuart.
"Excuse me?" - Mark.
"For your insolence." - Stuart.
"What about for the rooms?" - Richard 1.
"Well, I'm leaving myself soon." - Mark.
"You're leaving yourself? How?" - Stuart.
"Hello!" - Mark.
"Hello! (Pause) Who are you?" - Stuart, after entering a shop.
Amazingly enough, it turned out that he was talking to the
shopkeeper.
"Are you facing in a particular direction?" - Adam.
"I'm facing forward." - Richard 1.
"This powerful dem...err...spirit." - Richard 2.
"Can't you save the world before you retire?" - Richard 2.
"Ask him if he speaks English." - Richard 2, talking about
somebody speaking to the party in English already.
"He speaks broken English." - Stuart, about a different person
to the above.
"Does anybody have build and repair English?" - Adam.
"It's basically turned into a three storey building." - Stuart.
"I do?" - Richard 1.
"Pretty beaten up. Doesn't look like it's been used in a
while." - Stuart.
"The house or the woman?" - Adam.
"You can hear a circular saw inside." - Stuart.
"Anybody in there?" - Paul, yelling.
"Leave it with him, he's trustworthy." - Adam.
"Are you sure?" - Richard 2.
"No." - Adam.
"[Let's go to] some nice, quiet coffee place." - Paul.
"I know a nice Italian." - Richard 2.
"Yeah? She up for it?" - Corin.
"I was talking to Kerguelen, until I suddenly noticed he wasn't
there." - Spog.
"Oh, is 'S' Mr. Smith? I thought 'S' was Whisper for some
reason." - Richard 2, talking about initials representing
characters on the map.
"Why do we have to save the world, anyway?" - Mark.
"Perhaps we shouldn't take everyone on this one. Perhaps we
should just take a small group of elite personnel." - Paul.
"No-one, you mean?" - Spog.
"What non-alcoholic drinks do you have?" - Richard 1.
"There's an elf at the bar." - Stuart.
"How do you know she's your sister?" - Sarmad.
"He's an American." - Mark, talking about a PC, without
realising the entire party was American.
"Have you got a satellite uplink in the van?" - Paul.
"You've got a roadmap." - Stuart.
"How far did we agree you can travel in a week?" - Mark.
"4 days." - Anthony.
"To tell you the truth, I have never travelled on the sea." -
Stuart.
"This is a river." - Spog.
"What are you doing in Kipres?" - Mark.
"We're passing through; travellers." - Stuart.
"We're passing through travellers?" - Anthony.
"Your wristphone goes off." - Stuart.
"Boom! You're dead." - Spog.
"Apparently, Mandarin's a fixer who's hiring people to kill
you... so I've applied." - Mark, showing great team spirit.
"Oh, we are still wanted for murder, by the way." - Dave 1 to
the rest of the party at audible levels, just as some mercenaries
entered the inn the party was drinking at.
"I've heard info. that he's a fixer, and he's not there." -
Mark.
"Tell us your information, then." - Paul.
"Well, he's a fixer, and he's not there." - Mark.
"What happens if he explodes?" - Spog, talking about a party
member.
"We wipe him off and carry on." - Corin.
"13... he missed." - Stuart, talking about an NPC shooting an
unpopular party member.
"Can we spend a point of team karma on that?" - Anthony.
"I'm a long standing friend of... what was your name again?" -
Richard 2.
"Are there are street vendors outside?" - Stuart.
"Everyone's supplied for streets right now." - Anthony.
"You should join us. You'd make great bounty hunters." - Mark.
"You should join us." - Dave 1.
"You'd make great cannon fodder." - Stuart.
"[Did she say anything before she died?]" - Dave 2.
"Fuck, this hurts." - Unknown.
"My name is Crossout." - Richard 2.
"Did your parents hate you?" - Spog.
"1-3 you go left, 1-4 you go right." - Stuart.
"I had to hit her a bit too hard to stop her shooting me." -
Richard 1.
"She's a chicken with blonde hair." - Stuart, not actually
meaning poultry.
"What happens when he dies?" - Spog.
"Don't know. He's never died before!" - Richard 1.
"Where did you get this from?" - Stuart.
"It's an old family heirloom." - Spog.
"We found it in the street." - Paul.
"A woman with some information that we could use... the
information, that is, not the woman." - Paul.
"What do you know?" - Paul.
"That is what I am here to find out." - Stuart.
"...she's in hospital being shot." - Dave 2.
"Wolfgang, have you noticed these blotches on your arms?" -
Mark.
"What arms?!" - Spog. Yes, the character in question did have
arms.
"Cheer up! Wealth beyond your greatest imagination is just over
that horizon." - Mark, pointing.
"Unfortunately, we're going over that horizon instead." -
Anthony, pointing the other way.
"I am a god!" - Mark.
"On a Tuesday?! That's buggered the entire schedule!" - Dave 3.
"How about we go to the bar sometime?" - Stuart, as female NPC.
"Oh shit." - Spog.
"Are you meditating? If not, would you like a coffee?" -
Richard 2.
"No wonder I failed my perception test." - Spog, after being
informed he was asleep.
"I think it's only fair you show me the colour of your gold." -
Stuart.
"Well, it's sort of gold colour, actually." - Anthony.
"How can I run from someone with a horse with a sword?" -
Stuart.
"They are leaving them in a crate." - Spog, trying to excuse
taking some other peoples' property.
"If you cause trouble, not only will we kill you now, you will
not be welcome in any province." - Mark.
"[Is the van alright?]" - Corin.
"Bits of it are." - Spog.
"[How are you doing? I thought you died (etc.)]" - Corin,
greeting an old friend.
"You two know each other?" - Richard 1.
"Hook yourself up to the mains supply and escape by death!" -
Paul.
"Have we got a psychoanalyst?" - Mark.
"Yeah, I can analyse things and I'm a psycho." - Spog.
"Hey, I was hired by you people. Don't start telling me what to
do." - Stuart, failing to grasp the employee-employer
relationship.
"You going through?" - Mark.
"Cautiously." - Anthony.
"You burst through...." - Mark.
"Where are you parking the building?" - Stuart.
"A glass of muled wine, please." - Craig.
"Wolfgang's just sitting on the river, beside a rock." -
Anthony.
"What's the wall do?" - Craig.
"It stops people from getting inside." - Spog.
"Where from?" - Craig.
"Outside." - Spog.
"Do you want to give us your money, or shall we just kill you?"
- Anthony.
"That depends on how many of you there are." - Stuart.
"Why should we tell you that?" - Anthony.
"Because then you'll have to kill me." - Stuart, not doing
wonders for his life expectancy.
"Let me get this straight. You threw a stone eight feet and you
want them to think it's a footstep?" - Craig, to Stuart.
"Now be off with you or we kill you." - Anthony.
"Sounds good to me." - Stuart.
"We've worked together before." - Dave 1.
"Well, he has." - Spog.
"A nice healthy glowing tan." - Stuart.
"When you say glowing..." - Anthony.
"Has the mana bolt got a fetish?" - Stuart.
"No." - Richard 2.
"Has the barghest?" - Anthony.
"Lucky dog. He's dead." - Stuart.
"On 4, it pauses a second, raises it's leg..." - Stuart.
"Acid stream!" - Spog.
"It's OK. I've got three free resurrections...resuscitations."
- Joe.
"Something tells me we aren't in canvas anymore." - Richard 2.
"What are you feeling at the moment?" - Richard 1.
"That's private." - Anthony.
"What's the last thing we remember?" - Richard 2.
"You don't know. You don't remember." - Stuart.
"You all die in a fiery fireball." - Stuart.
"It's slipped my mind." - Richard 2.
"Slipped?" - Stuart.
"Or was it pushed?" - Spog.
"He took a room. Anyway, you wake up..." - Anthony.
"...and find a room missing!" - Stuart.
"A needle flicks out and pricks you in the finger." - Anthony,
to Richard 1.
"How unfortunate. Can I have my lockpicks back?" - Stuart, who
had lent the aforementioned items to Richard 1.
"What are you doing in my e-mail?!" - Richard 2.
"Checking if anyone's hacked in." - Spog.
"He's going to hit me, isn't he?" - Richard 2.
"Don't worry, we're not going to..." - Joe.
"...stop him." - Richard 1.
"There's a service tunnel." - Stuart, proceeding to describe
the tunnel.
"Have you seen the hoover?" - Richard 2, to the tunnel.
"Is the cook cooking?" - Spog.
"Yes, we put him on half an hour ago. He's nearly done." -
Richard 1.
"It's a hire charge of 50." - Stuart.
"Have you got a lower one?" - Spog.
"Some brandy, perhaps?" - Anthony.
"Any particular brand?" - Stuart.
"Yes, e." - Spog.
"You've got to buy money and stuff." - Stuart.
"Oh, he's dead. That's why he hasn't got an action." - Stuart,
to himself.
"You're driving away. Make a firearms roll." - Stuart.
"My character hasn't got a sexual dysfunction. The fact he's
looking for a woman with three breasts is beside the point." -
Spog.
"Short?! Short?! You call two foot eight short?!" - Spog.
"I liked Merlin, he was good. Everybody else said he was
sexually depraved because he went around sleeping with cats." -
Richard 2.
"I say we get him, knock him unconscious, then interrogate
him." - Richard 1.
"We have a plan to catch the killers." - Stuart, to dead
person's girlfriend.
"I'd like to point out I didn't mention he was dead." - Chris.
"What's your character look like?" - Stuart.
"At the moment, female." - Spog.
"I'm stunned. We've never had a half competent decker before."
- Stuart.
"We have now." - Joe.
"I can leave a message. If you want to leave your phone
number?" - Stuart, to PC trying to retrieve his lost phone.
"We're not making that much, are we?" - Spog.
"Well, the computer equipment's worth quite a bit." - Richard 2.
"Is it? We'll split it between the party then." - Spog.
"Well, it's not worth that much." Richard 2, who had the computer
equipment.
"How'd it go?" - Richard 2, as the party climbs into his van
with about half the group unconscious and/or dying.
"I have a friend." - Joe.
"Do you?" - Surprised voice.
"OK, what do you want to know?" - Stuart, as kidnapped NPC
threatened into giving information.
Long pause - The rest of the group.
"It's only gel rounds, it's not going to kill him." - Spog,
while pointing a gun at NPC the party is interrogating, "Tell us
or we kill you."
"Look! That star is moving!" - Anthony.
"Which one?" - Dave 1.
"That one, the one that's moving." - Anthony.
"It was a perfectly shaped charge. It blew out the door and the
windows, but didn't damage the structure of the building at all."
- Stuart.
"So the villain is somebody who owns shares in the building." -
Joe.
"I've actually got more money on my character sheet than I had
before I paid for it." - Spog.
"You can sit here and wait for your moment of glory when the
Bretonnians march down the river..." - Stuart.
"They'd be dead, wouldn't they? They'd drown!" - Dave 1.
"...hair on the back of her neck." - Stuart.
"Which neck?" - Richard 1.
"They say if you drink too much water you die." - Stuart.
"Yeah, it's called drowning." - Richard 2.
"No! No! You're not supposed to chop my leg off like that!" -
Richard 1.
"You're supposed to chop it off like this!" - Anthony.
"We'll stable the mercenaries." - Stuart.
"I see a long and happy life ahead." - Anthony, as fortune
teller telling Stuart's fortune.
"That's a failed die roll." - Spog. It was.
"The group without you in it." - Spog, discussing which part of
the party was being dealt with.
"No it isn't." - Richard 2.
"(Mimes shooting Richard 2) Bang! The group without you in it." -
Spog.
"Right, who's driving?" - Stuart.
"Aaaah!" - Spog.
"Which of you's got the broken leg, then?" - Stuart.
"The one who's hobbling." - Spog.
"I can't drive because I used to think I was blind." - Richard
2, after removing his blind flaw.
"OK, important question. What city are we in again?" - Joe.
"Is this a deserted alley with no-one else around?" - JP.
"Only the other people." - Stuart.
"You know Jonathan? You know what's happening? Grey tendrils
are ripping through his soul and causing him excruciating pain at
random intervals. Cool or what?" - Joe.
"He staked me... in the middle of broad daylight!" - Stuart, as
a vampire trying to explain his actions to the local vampire
police.
"Colourless, odourless, tasteless." - Richard 1.
"And completely non-toxic. The perfect poison." - Stuart.
"You can't meld three fetishes together. (Rubs hands) It's a
fire strike. (Rubs hands) It's a mana bolt. (Rubs hands) It's a
pile of feathers and a rock. I've broken it." - Joe.
"Can I test my new spell on you." - Richard 2, innocently.
"What is your new spell?" - Spog.
"Wither." - Richard 2.
"What's your name?" - Richard 1.
"You don't recognise me? You don't recognise Kinn Malice?" -
Stuart.
"Kid Malice. Not the Kid Malice?" - Richard 1.
"No, KINN Malice! Kinn Malice!" - Stuart.
"We go... kidnap some of the security guards?" - Spog.
"And?" - Richard 1.
"Take them back with us instead, and say "We found these. Will
these do?"" - Spog, when the team's job is to extract one
particular person.
"I expect them to have a little bit of initiative, and what do
I get?" - Spog.
"Them obeying your every command?" - Richard 2.
"Jinx, you feel a twinge in the back of your neck. Your
watcher's dead." - Stuart.
"Why don't you summon a watcher and follow it?" - Richard 2.
"Get a map for us." - Spog.
"OK." - Richard 1.
"You have these three sectors, I have these three sectors. Rip
(mimes tearing up the map) . Oops." - Spog.
"That was a data display unit." - Joe.
"Physical barrier will light up this entire area with a glue
blow." - Stuart.
"Jinx won't go insane, OK?" - Anthony.
"I'm looking for..." - Spog.
"Therese O'Connor." - Ruben, prompting.
"This is Therese O'Connor." - Spog.
"So if you ask her, it'll confuse her." - Anthony.
"Are you a secret government operative for Tir Tairngire?
Cool!" - Anthony, making jokes about the group's behaviour at a
social ball.
"I'm a spy for Aztlan! (Pause) Really? So am I... oops." - Joe,
doing the same.
"I thought he was a mage, OK?" - Richard 2.
"Why?" - Spog.
"Because he's mundane." - Richard 2.
"I'd say you've got two weeks to live." - Stuart.
"Cool" - Richard 1.
"Don't worry, the wound should stop bothering you in five
minutes by my count. Could you just sign this death certificate?"
- Joe.
"This coffee is shit. Can we have a new coffee machine?" -
Spog.
"I made that myself." - Richard 2.
"You're shit. Can we have a new mage?" - Spog.
"Who died?" - Richard 1.
"Hang on. You're not there." - Stuart.
"Oh shit." - Richard 1.
"What did you guys get up to last night?" - Richard 1.
"Oh, you know, this..." - Spog.
"You were in the bar with me." - Richard 1.
"...and that." - Spog.
"What a night last night." - Richard 1.
"Yeah, it got all dark, and the sun went out." - Spog.
"I kick him in the face." - Spog, when Richard 1's character
passes out from drinking.
(Later, after he comes round) "Wow, that drink had a kick to it."
- Richard 1.
"Yeah, it left a footprint on your face." - Spog.
"After a little while, you come back to your senses." - Stuart,
to Spog.
"After how long? How many years has he been playing?" - Joe.
"They'll get along like a house on fire." - Richard 2.
"Lots of wailing and screaming and loss of property." - Spog.
"Lucky it was so sharp, otherwise he might have cut us badly
when he took it out." - Richard 2, talking about a sword he and
another character had been impaled with.
"It's about a week from the escapades of last week." - Richard
2.
"Prince wants to see you." - Richard 2.
"What about Madonna?" - Spog.
"It looks like they've used a cheap laser printer." - Richard
2.
"See -- Sonia's handwriting." - Spog.
"The taxi's pulling off." - Richard 2.
"OK, I won't pay then." - Spog.
"Is Sonia in? We're her friends." - Joe, after the party has
broken down the door and pulled out guns.
"You tried to pick my pockets!" - Spog, playing a vampire.
"You always loot the corpses after a fight." - Joe.
"I'm not here, so stop looking in my eyes." - Joe.
"She didn't drown -- she must be a witch! How can you tell?
She's standing up, glowing and pointing a finger in our direction
-- maybe this ducking thing was a bad idea." - Joe.
"You're re-installing Windows 95 for them?" - Spog.
"I think he should check for Humanity loss." - Anthony.
"System error. Windows 95 running." - Spog.
"You can mainly only hear the television at the moment." -
Richard 2.
"Enhanced hearing." - Stuart.
"You can mainly only hear the television at the moment but
louder." - Richard 2.
"Our pub crawl's slightly different. Other people go there to
get drunk. We go there to get drunks." - Anthony, after the party
has been going around beating people up to get information.
"So what are you doing now, then?" - Spog.
"I'm talking to you on the phone." - Joe.
"He draws his swords... he sort of crosses them in front of him
and says..." - Richard 2.
"Ouch, I just cut my nose off." - Spog.
"Look, you evil parasite, get away from that vampire!" - Joe,
when a vampire and a lawyer are arguing.
"It was the 2nd of May last week... it must be the 3rd of May
now." - Richard 2.
"You think I'm going to breach my client's... my ex-client's
confedentiality just so you can get him killed?" - Geoff.
"How much?" - Stuart.
"Thinking back... can I remember if there were any other cars
around?" - Stuart.
"It was a car park." - Richard 2.
"That psycho guy was trying to kill you..." - Stuart.
"Which psycho guy?" - Geoff.
"The one who was trying to drain your blood?" - Stuart.
"That was you." - Geoff.
"The smell of fine cooking comes wafting out the window, along
with the Italian food... the smell of the Italian food." -
Richard 2.
"I don't know what this guy looks like." - Stuart, having a
sudden realization after staking out a hotel, waiting for
someone.
"He doesn't look too badly injured... unless you call dead too
badly injured." - Richard 2.
"I've got Empathy, so he might talk to me." - Stuart.
"He is talking to you." - Richard 2.
"Don't interrupt him to say that!" - Anthony, to Stuart.
"I only broke into your house 'cos I thought you weren't here."
- Stuart.
"Did I tell you about the secret trapdoor in the cellar?" -
Stuart.
"I don't have a cellar." - Geoff.
"That's what you think." - Stuart.
"There's a lost Aztec temple under your house." - Stuart.
"Which is quite a shock in London." - Anthony.
"You shot someone in the head and the police hassled you?" -
Joe.
"He is trying to go after something we would all like." -
Stuart.
"What, ultimate power?" - Joe.
"We'll split it." - Joe, about carrying an unconscious PC.
"I follow the ancient philosophical school of cackling
maniacally in the corner with a flamethrower." - Joe.
"Where was I?" - Geoff.
"You don't know. You were unconscious in the boot of the car...
then you were carried into the British Museum." - Richard 2.
"Sedition... what's that?" - Richard 1.
"I think it's that thing... layers of dirt." - Spog.
"You're Troy Greer? The person in that cupboard was looking for
you." - Spog.
"I don't want to rain on anyone's parade here, but I've been in
law enforcement for a while now, and in law enforcement we have
this saying that you don't rain on anyone's parade... hang on." -
Stuart.
"Two guys with uzis against this one guy. He's dead. Just say
it." - Stuart.
"Only if they shoot." - Anthony.
"You hear the doorbell." - Richard 2, to Geoff.
"Hang on. He's dead." - Stuart.
"I think someone's picked your lock." - Stuart.
"Someone may have shot you, but there's worse news. Your lock's
been picked." - Spog.
"Why didn't the police come round?" - Stuart.
"He didn't call them. He was dead." - Spog.
"Thanks. Catch you later?" - Stuart.
"Don't ever say that to criminals when you're a private
investigator. It can get taken the wrong way." - Anthony.
"It look like there may have been another strike by our
killer." - Stuart.
"Well, that's alright. As long as he's on strike, there's no
problem." - Anthony.
"Just trying to think how to start the conversation." -
Anthony.
"Good evening." - Patricia.
"Of all the places in all the world, why did you follow me into
this public loo?" - Stuart.
"Is it my fault I set you up?" - Stuart.
"Troy... who are all your friends, anyway?" - Richard 2.
"Dunno... I thought they were your friends!" - Stuart.
"I'm not here. I've gone to the pet shop." - Stuart.
"I worry when I hear you say that." - Joe.
"My saxophone is actually padded with c4." - Stuart.
"Do you actually own anything that isn't?" - Anthony.
"Apart from that box at his home marked c4, no." - Joe.
"That's gonna hurt." - Stuart, in a plaintive voice, when
another PC throws him all the way across a road into a wall.
"That was my throwing death spoon!" - Joe.
"So... if I'm injured, you'll have to kill me?" - JP.
"He's a trained medical professional, is Ludwig." - Joe.
"Ludwig took me to see his friends... and they said they could
help me find Pi, but they had to incinerate me first." - Richard
1.
"You run about being beserkedly friendly." - Jan.
"I seem to be surrounded by fools... perhaps you are the least
foolish of them." - Richard 2.
"I take that remark as a deep personal insult, your highness." -
Joe, playing a jester.
"Mind if I join you?" - Richard 1.
"Well, yes, seeing as you're a complete stranger with a limp and
a slightly sinister air." - Joe.
"Well, he's a mortal, and should experience death as much as
possible." - Richard 1.
"He gave a temporary facade of a rational person, but it
swiftly shattered when he was exposed to the the stresses of
everyday life. He was revealed as a psychopath " - Joe, to the
new PC of the player who had played the character being
described.
"Only a dangerous psychotic would bandy around explosives in
the inner city... I do, obviously...." - Joe.
" There are only pedestrian vehicles around." - Richard 2.
"I'm dead and you're dead, but you're deader than me." -
Richard 1.
"Why are you haunting him, in particular?" - Richard 1.
"Because he killed me, what do you think?! He chopped off my head
with a rapier." - Richard 2.
"Marvellous." - Richard 1.
"It's been May for the last 9 weeks." - Richard 2.
"You take these quotes entirely out of context." - Richard 2.
"We'll have the entire biochemical industry in the palm of our
hands." - Joe.
"That sounds rather dangerous, actually." - Anthony.
"Stuart doesn't know 'The Raven'?" - Richard 2.
"What raven?" - Stuart.
"A classic tale of horror by Edgar Allen Poe." - Richard 2.
"Who the hell is Adrian Poe?" - Stuart.
"It's a big, black, pulsing, demonic book. It's just what we
need." - Joe.
"You're going to meet at approximately the same time." -
Richard 2, talking about two people riding motorcycles at each
other.
"The corner of the box hits him on the corner of the head." -
Richard 2.
"I'm not an investigative reporter. I write fiction." - Stuart.
"Then make up something that proves he's a war criminal." - Joe.
"...Docking XP" - Richard 2.
"Docking XP? We get XP for docking as well? I'm going to become a
barge pilot." - Joe.
"'Is it true that you hear voices in your head?' says a voice
in your head." - Jan.
"It is a trap for the evil people in the city." - Richard 2,
trying to persuade JP to take part in an ambush.
"Umm...." - JP.
"Wouldn't want you having an accident, would we?" - Richard 2.
"Yeah, we want it to be well planned and organised." - Anthony.
"If I were you, I would watch my back." - Richard 2.
"But I'm not going to watch your back, am I? What would be the
point in that?" - JP.
"He seemed honest and trustworthy... which immediately makes me
suspicious." - Anthony.
"Is this a search and rescue? Search, destroy, and then
rescue." - Joe.
"It's still alive?!" - Giovanni, after carrying a crocodile,
which was presumed deceased, on his back all the way across a
swamp.
"I have a fully armed JP and I'm not afraid to let him use
himself." - Joe.
"That's the shield-penetrating, low-velocity Dune shot." - Joe,
after a pellet falls out of a BB gun and rolls away.
"Stay where you are or the wall gets it!" - Anthony, after
realizing he's pointing his sword in the wrong direction.
"There are some vampires who do not cavort with the dark
side...." - Richard 2.
"Could you name some?" - Joe.
"I'm sure the matter can be settled... er..." - JP.
"Painfully." - Geoff.
"What you looking at?! Ay?!" - Joe, to some stranger in a club.
"The mysterious holy man with the big cross." - Richard 2.
"Oh. OK. (Pause) Funny-looking, ain't he?" - Joe.
"This is three times you've shot me now." - Geoff.
"Once was a ricochet." - Joe.
"You know what this means?" - Joe, after a chesspiece was found
at the scene of a housefire - the house in question belonging to
a PC.
"(Strained voice) What?" - JP.
"There's an evil villain out there with a piece missing from his
chess set." - Joe.
"Try our new investment bonds. A guaranted 300% return as long
as you agree never to cash them in." - Joe.
"Bob. (Pause) Remind me of all the ruthless enemies I have." -
JP.
"...That holy water means nothing to me, so you can just put it
away. Away. Away! Far away!" - Joe.
"What are you going to do?" - JP, to a demon.
"Spread demonic evil and destruction, what else do you think? A
little shopping? Visit a few cafes and a nightclub?" - Joe.
"Say 'I want dominion over the land known as North America'"-
Joe, offering suggestions to JP, with whom a demon was trying to
make a bargain.
"(Demonic voice) I have already given that one away." - Richard
2.
"(Demonic voice) Dan Quayle paid well for it." - Joe.
" Ask for South America "
"(Demonic voice) I have already given that to the bananas." -
Richard 2.
"I didn't think bananas had souls? (Pause) (Demonic voice) Not
any more." - Joe.
"You're blackmailing him? You're sitting in a demonic realm and
you're trying to blackmail a demon? That's style. Stupidity, but
style." - Joe.
"Have you got a notepad or something I can write on?" - JP, in
a demonic taxicab, to the demon driver.
"A notepad appears." - Richard 2.
"You realise you just traded your soul for that?" - Anthony.
"No, we won't go for that. Irrevocable destruction of the
Pardoner and all his allies. No, I don't think he can do that." -
JP, considering what to ask for from a demon in return for a
service. The Pardoner was a holy man.
"I don't want to think how he drives with that." - JP, after
the driver's hands turn out to be cloven hooves.
"He's a taxi driver." - Anthony.
"Didn't it end in a massive gunfight in central London? (Pause)
Actually, everything with you seems to end in a massive gunfight
in central London, but that's beside the point." - Joe.
"On 4, I'll ride to a more tactically advantageous position." -
Joe.
"Like Norway?" - Anthony.
"He shouts 'The bandits of the Western road strike again!" -
Marc.
(Short pause) "I shoot him." - Stuart.
"What is the problem, senor?" - Joe.
"There is a woman... out in the fields..." - Marc.
"Yes. It happens sometimes." - Stuart.
"Would you mind making me a few brief notes? Write down
detailed history...." - Stuart.
"So, you were attacked by 12 greengrocers and survived." -
Stuart, summarizing an adventure.
"People are looking at you... going around molesting crotches."
- Naveed.
"Crosses." - Richard 2. His character had been attempting object
reading on some crosses.
"Shut up and save the world." - Joe.
"I am searching for you." - Stuart.
"You found us. Bye." - Joe.
"There's a large flash of light and you all pass out." - Marc.
"We've all passed out, sir." - Anthony.
"You pillaged the place for as much as they could spare?!" -
Marc.
"We are fleeing political asylum. We seek... oh, sorry." -
Stuart.
"Have you got any white phosphorus grenades on you?" - Unknown.
"Yes, but I didn't bring the pins with me." - Joe.
"You've sabotaged our defense system and endangered human
civilization in these sectors for a bottle of whiskey?!" - Joe.
"Good whiskey." - Giovanni.
"What do you mean it's a one-way corridor?!" - Joe.
"Does duct tape work?" - Richard 1, when discussing what
equipment will work in a high-teach jamming field.
"Wake up. Oh, they're dead. Let's go." - Stuart, while standing
over two unconscious PCs.
"What's the doppleganger password?! (Pause) No, don't say it,
because that'll give it away!" - Joe.
"He was stabbed to death." - Joe.
"Multiple times, actually." - Richard 2.
"He was stabbed to death multiple times?! Somebody should have
mentioned this, it's rather important." - Anthony.
"He doesn't bite the hand that feeds him -- he doesn't kill the
hand that feeds him." - JP.
"... oonce known as Karaghast the White, now known as Karaghast
the Pink, or Karaghast who doesn't separate his washing
properly." - Joe.
"What's this paper written on?" - Stuart.
"There's nothing in that coffee that won't harm you... that
will hurt you." - Stuart.
"You're climbing down the clifface. You have to stop every now
and again, because this sort of winding path keeps getting in
your way." - Joe.
"I accept full responsibility but none of the consequences." -
JP.
"He just killed the gaint cider." - Joe.
"My name is Captain... (Long pause)" - Marc.
"Mackenzie, sir." - Anthony.
"OK, then, Richard, call it!- Marc, as Richard tries to call
his magical sword while being threatened by an assassin.
"Swiftfoot!" - Richard 1.
"(laughing) That's the wrong name!" - Marc.
"Surefoot!" - Richard 1.
"No..." - Marc.
"Footsure!" - Richard 1.
"(laughing) Still the wrong name!" - Marc.
"Oh shit." - Richard 1.
"Can I disarm him with my axe?" - Joe.
"No, because you've got a bloody great axe." - Marc.
"No, disarm him." - Joe, while miming chopping an arm off.
"The Black Hand never surrenders!" - Marc, miming stabbing
himself.
"Damn, I was about to fire bolt him to death. (Pause) Cheapskate!
(Pause) Thanks for telling use the name of your secret
organization, I say as he dies." - Joe.
"Mind you, if he has any sense, he'll use the name of some other
secret organization they've been rivals with for a long time." -
Anthony.
"Why aren't we called the Black Hand? (Different voice)
Disinformation. (First voice again) But sir, if we identify
ourselves as the Black Hand, we all think we're the Black Hand,
and we're all branded with a Black Hand, what's the point?" -
Joe.
"There's a slight scratch, as it didn't actually penetrate the
armour." - Marc, after Joe removes a bolt from Richard's chest.
"In that case, it must be coated with deadly contact poison... oh
shit... I'm holding... oh shit." - Joe.
"The guards of this city are efficient... loyal... trustworthy -
- because I'm not stupid enough to think they've pulled everyone
away who's watching us." - Joe.
"... but they killed the burglars and didn't kill the people
they were hired to." - Richard 1, about some assassins.
"I think they were an adventuring party, you know." - Joe.
"It's an owl hoot for 'all clear' and an 'aaaakk!' for 'help,
help, I'm under attack!'" - Joe.
"You're up bright and early." - Joe.
"Yep. Last watch, you know." - Richard.
"Oh, watches. I knew we forgot soemthing." - Joe.
"He deals in antiques and antiquities." - Marc.
"That's tomb robbing, isn't it?" - Joe.
"Yes, but it's impolite to say so." - Marc.
"Ah. (Pause) That's tomb robbing, isn't it?" - Joe.
"...standing outside the temple of light and dark... well,
mostly dark." - Marc.
"Is that what it actually says?" - Richard 1.
"Maybe we'll find a level-draining creature and say 'hand over
the levels or you get it.'" - Joe.
"That's not a dress pistol -- that's a close assault weapon." -
Joe.
"I was going to make it last a long time, but unfortunately I
killed him in the first round." - Richard 1.
"What does 'warning: maximum human consumption exceeded 500%'
mean? (Pause) I don't know, I can't read anymore." - Joe.
"I've got no evidence... no starting point... no investigative
skills... but, apart from that, I'm on the case." - Joe.
"She doesn't know where she is... you don't know where she
is..." - Richard 1.
"No." - Joe.
"Well, there's a start." - Richard 1.
"He was a vampire... which would explain why he died when he
got his head chopped off." - Richard 1.
" Discusses Royal Hunt " - Marc.
"Release three peasants." - Richard 1, quoting Marc from an
earlier game.
"Go and fetch the court wizard." - Giovanni.
"I'm right beside you, sir." - Marc.
"I was thinking of raising our population." - Giovanni.
"All by yourself, sir?" - Anthony.
"I don't like being given orders." - Ruben.
"Because it takes you a long time to figure out what they're
about." - Joe.
"Barman, have you got a plaster for that?" - Richard 1, after a
PC's head comes off.
"Barman, have you got a basketball hoop?" - Joe.
"We space marines specialize in making the world safe for
democracy." - Joe.
"Yes." - Giovanni.
"And shooting people." - Joe.
"...It was prophesised that death and destruction would come to
London, and you've come back." - Joe, to Spog.
"The secretary comes over to you..." - Richard 2.
"How the hell did you get into my house?!" - Spog.
"Ah. Little Italy is the place where all the Italians hang out.
Fine." - Richard 2.
"I don't think we've got jammers big enough to black out all
the TVs, have we." - Spog, joking.
"(Deadpan) That's classified." - Joe.
"He's not an evil dark necromancer, he's this bloke named Jim
we met down the pub." - Joe.
"He's either dead or beyond my reach." - Giovanni, as a
necromancer.
"Hey... you suck the life force out of living things, and make
people feel eerie... I think that's... cool." - Joe.
The following quotes have been collected from various games that I and my friends have played in after October '99.
"I have handled many organs, but I'm not very good at it." - Richard 2. "Perhaps I can teach you more?" - Phill. "What, you'd let me play with your organ?" - Richard 2. "I don't have it with me, I'm afraid." - Phill. "Was it too large to carry?" - Richard 2. (It should probably be pointed out that Richard was, unbeknownst to Phill's character, playing a flesh-shaping vampire) "It's like any other pub. People go there when they feel depressed or down." - Phill. "Yeah, it's got 90% of Stygia's population in it." - Richard 2. "Everyone is drinking quietly." - Phill. "A mug of Quietly, my good friend." - Richard 2. "Okay, they're vampiric criminal scum, but they don't deserve to die." - Richard 2. "Thank you. I now have a picture in my head of Steven wearing Lederhosen." - Phill. "What, an imaginary photo? Isn't your memory good enough?" - Steven. "I could live with a slut. Well, several sluts." - Richard 2. "Those are silver bullets- I'm a werecreature. Hit me with those, and I won't be a happy bunny." - Phill. "You mean you'd be happy if we shot you with normal bullets?" - Trevor. "I assure you, my son, you have nothing to fear from me." - Phill. "No, I don't." James, deadpan. "How does one get into the mind of an insane, killing Malkavian?" - James. "Carefully." - Richard 2. "What, the spectre's possessing the bread monster?" - Steven. "Humanity isn't about what you are, it's about what you feel." - James "Your friends look at you accusingly." - Phill "I'm wearing my 'My Shadow Did It' T-shirt." - Steven "In real life, you don' have a Subterfuge skill above one." - Phill "What?! You spent THREE YEARS believing that I didn't masturbate!" - Steven "Could I be Dominated in a different way?" - James "How would you like to be Dominated?" - Trish "I shall let the priest go first in case he stabs me in the back." - Phill "A foreign city? Where did you come from?" - Trev "Well, you see, his mummy loved his daddy very much, and then..." Richard2 "Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus… And then I fooked her." -Richard 2, as Seamus the Invisible Elephant "Once you get someone like me talking you can't shut us up." - Richard 2 "Shhh!" - Mike "See?!" - Richard 2 "Childe, it has been a long time." - Richard 2, dramatically "But you're deaf and can't hear a word I'm saying!" - Richard 2, hysterically "What the fuck are you?!" - James "I'm a Daniel! I don't fucking know!" - Phill "I've had a case of death, but I'm fine now." - James "Yeah, it was one of those 24 hour death things." -Richard 2 "I just go in there and gestate that I'm his friend for life." - James "Oh no, a roll!" - Phill, who is famed for his awfully unlucky dice rolls. "No, a sandwich." - Trev, deadpan. "Pick up the sword and fight!" - Richard 2, as Highlander "Could we have a coffee first, perhaps?" - Phill, as scared Highlander "Fucking hellfire!" - James "No, that'd just burn your cock." - Trev "Do you know 'Shithead'?" - Phill (It's a card game) "That's your friend, isn't it?" - Richard 2 "What can YOU do for ME?" - Ventrue to Demon (Mike) "I just want to mock him before you destroy him." - Mike "You're going to barter over something like this? How crass! Three and a half thousand." - Richard 2, as mysterious woman selling a holy artifact. "We are roleplayers, you will be assimilated... unless you succeed in your soak roll." - Richard 2 "But... according to these notes, you had third degree burns an hour ago!" - Rich2, as a nurse, to Daniel the Immortal. "I just picked at them, and they came off!" - Phill "Is there anything in particular you're looking for?" - Phill "Well, Satanists, actually." - James "You weren't thinking what I think you were thinking?" - Richard 2 "No, because that would be illegal." - Trev "You are too kind." - Trev "Of course I am." - Trish "I'm not that dumb!" - Mike "But you're in league with a minor demon!" - Trev "I'm a red blooded man, as you're about to find out." - Richard 2, as man to vampire (unknowingly). "Prophet gets it done in the end." - Phill "No, Dougal gets it done in the end, then goes and confesses. - Trev "Oh, so I'm *really* screwed?" - Trev James nods meaningfully "Excellent, excellent!" - Trev "You're a mixture of Robin Hood and Mother Theresa!" - Mike to James, of Billy "I live to serve." - James "You serve to live." - Richard 2 "Hello, may I have your name?" - Trish "No, it's mine! Get your own!" - Richard 2 "It's going to take me a while to adjust to this... Right, that's done." - Trev, with a two second pause "I'd prefer you not to carry on." - Trish "Can we put the fire out?" - Richard 2 *nod* - Trish "Thank you kindly miss." - Richard 2 "I've got a 3' stick that can fit in my pocket." - Phill "Well, I don't THINK he's trying to chat you up." - Trev "Aren't you that drug-taking wanker who slept with my daughter?!" - James "I don't take drugs!" - Richard 2 "And what did you learn, Mike?" - Richard 2 "How to keep your zombie fresh." - Phill "Through the red haze in front of your eyes, you see a giant spider, who clacks his mandibles reassuringly." - Richard 2 "On the way I SMS my Sire ~ Been Framed, Have A Nice Night." - Phill "I have this theory that it's bad for a guy not to release his pent up sexual frustration." - Richard 2 "I kill things." - Phill "Haven't you seen Blade?" - James "It's not out yet." - Phill, in a game set in 1995. "I'm not afraid of them. How many are there?" - Richard 2 "Five." - James "I'm afraid of them." - Richard 2 "Benjamin's large bulk lifts you from the table and descends on the thugs like a friendly iceberg." - James "What units do you measure angst in? Angstroms, of course." - Mike "He's speaking bat with a human accent." - Mike "I used to be a PI: I carry a hair of pandcuffs." - James "They do things differently around here. A dozen rings COULD be one for each finger." - Trev "But the Geneva convention doesn't apply in these cases." - Trev "Yes, for some reason, the vampires didn't sign." - Richard 2 "So what's this device we're looking for?" - Stephen "Her husband." - Richard 1 "Shadowrun magic isn't like normal magic." - Stuart "I will not waste a spell on a child." - Jan "Waste a child with a spell instead." - Joe "He's not my WARD, he's someone I'm looking after." - James "I drive like the devil, carefully." - James "Fancy murdering a few Sabbat for a laugh?" - Trev "Ummm... <LONG pause> 'kay?" - Phill "It's Phill, he works in mysterious ways." - Richard 2 "If at all." - Glenn "What gives it away" - Richard 2 "I'm talking to a dog and he's more intelligent than me." - Glenn "If I'm not back in five minutes, wait longer!" - Mike Crane "There's some form of..." - James "Buggeration!" - Richard 2 "No, not quite." - James "I'm not about to condition him... 1, I'm not good enough and 2... There's gotta be a 2 somewhere." - Trev "Well, see if you can hear THIS." - Trev *Trev whispers to Richard 2* "I actually DIDN'T hear that." - Mike Crane "Um, neither did I." - Richard 2 "I'm standing outside Central Park - Why don't you come over and say hi?" - James "It's raining?" - Stuart "Nobody else can see him and people are walking through him, which is always good." - Phill "You do seem to associate camp with evil... Why?" - Richard 2 "Julian Clary?" - Phill "Good point, I'll give you that." - Richard 2 "My only weapons are a penknife and a small pot of semen." - Richard 2 "I can share the Dark Gift, if you wish..." - Richard 2 "Chocolate." - Trev, with dark longing. "The largest penis in the world is 12"." - Phill "That's not a penis, it's a foot!" - Mike C "Descarte's fourth meditation - he proved the existence of a really BIG fish." - Phill "Yes, in fact he proved that there IS a cod." - Richard 2 "There's a thunderwyrm at the bottom of Maryanna, and his name is Wiggly Woo." - Richard 2 "I can't imagine you killing anyone - I imagine you torturing them indefinitely, instead." - Rob, to Rich2. "It's like belly dancing with fat men, you know..." - Mark "Sumo." - Phill, Steven, and Stuart "Yeah, that's it." - Mark "Anyway, enough of my peccadiloes." - Richard2 "Enough of your pecadillo." - Mike "Enough of your pecker." - Phill "There don't seem to be many people around - none in fact." - Phill "So we have someone guarding our backs who made a bet we won't be coming back alive? Frankly, that disturbs me somewhat." - Trev "If we're all working together we can take on anything... except anything with any power." - Phill "I lay face down in the water to see if I can breathe properly." - Richard2 (Who had just grown gills) "You can understand me?" - Phill "I doubt it." - Richard2 "I'm thinking beaver" - Mike2 "Yeah, but Jane's not here." - Phill "It was a friendly Abomination!" - Richard2 "I agree with the chainsaw." - Rob "Raymond doesn't know much about the modern world." - Richard2 "I know what I've read in books." - Mark "When were they printed?" - Glenn "Printed?!" - Mark "It's not aggravated, it's just a chainsaw." - Rob "Was this before or after the house burnt down?" - Richard2 "Which time?" - Rob "There's still a forest, it's just had a big chunk cut out of it and a mall stuck there." - Richard2 "It's been malled." - Glenn "What's English in German" - James "Deutsche." = Richard2 "You might make a suitable mate." - Trish, speculatively. "We are roleplayers, you will be assimilated." - James "Unless you succeed in your soak roll." - Richard2 "Okay, you all wake up in whatever positions you were in." - James "Right, I pull out." - Richard2 "When God's not in the room, we can do what we like." - Richard2 "When we fuck with reality, reality fucks with us back." - Richard2 "We weren't surprised [about your being gay] because we're both bisexual." - Phill, as Damien's dad "That explains [Damien's sister] going out with a fairy." - Mike "You slipped back in before I had time to recover." - Mike, to Richard2 "I go into the church" - Mark "The church is locked" - Phill "I use the axe." - Mark "I'm hinting at etc. etc. etc." - Richard2 "How are you hinting at that exactlt?" - Phill "Blatantly." - Richard2 "Does my martial arts training allow me to jump over 12' tall demons?" - Mark "Not without wires." - Mike "Oh great, my friends are gonna ask me why I'm tired and I'm going to have to tell them I was up 'til 3am roleplaying." - Glenn "Just lie and tell them you were wanking, instead - it's more stylish and interesting." - Richard2 "Isn't it an artist's basement, though?" - Trev "Yeah, it's an arts-hole." - Glenn "I'll have you know that the Children of Gaia can be as scary as any werewolf - I mean, have you been to one of their bake-sales?" - Richard2 "Ahhh, I've just made my foreskin into a jumper!" - Richard2 "That's stretching it a bit." - Phill "Any more chicken jokes and I'm taking away XP." - Phill "Was that EGGS-P?" - Glenn (Who did lose a point of XP) "Humanity isn't the default path... well, it is, but only by default." - Phill "You need five successes or you'll tear his brain apart." - Phill. "Well, it's worth a try. <ROLL> Two successes.... Oh well." - Richard2 "Can I go into a coma?" - Glenn, patient of Richard2. "Consistency is good... at least, that's what the doctor tells me." - Trev "How long does it take to go instantaneously?" - James2 "I felt a great disturbance in the force, as though a million mimes cried out and were suddenly silenced." - Richard2 "I felt a great disturbance in the force, as though a million mimes pretended to cry out and were silenced." - Glenn "I hate it when scientists say that... 'I can't count that high - let's make up a letter." - Phill "I don't think we should be blatantly using our powers. Well, I know that I just did, but..." - Richard2 "You turned him into a mime, you bastard!" - Glenn "Do you know New York very well?" - Phill "No, not really. I just came here to kill you." - Richard2 "We should have nightclubs and stuff." - Phill, as Highlander style immortal. "But you know... there can be only one!" - Richard2, as another immortal. "Well, we can start out small and then work our way up..." - Glenn "I sensed a great disturbance in the Quickening." - Richard2 "Ah yes, Dietrich and I had coffee." - Phill "I am what I am." - Richard2 "Bad luck." - James, sympathetically. "There is a point to levity, so long as people are willing to be..." - Trev "Levitated?" - Richard2 "Are you okay, apart from being dead?" - Glenn "Somebody died at my school." - Kelvin W "How long did you serve?" - Richard 2 "I'm not being horrible, I'm just taking the piss." - Kelvin W "Make a surprise roll." - Richard2 "What's surprise?" - Phill "Boo!" - Glenn. "You do realise that if you put together all of the fragments of the True Cross, you get the Ark." - Joe. "They're friends now... aren't you children?" - Joe "Yeah, we're friends since he *MIND CONTROLLED ME!*" - Richard2 "Not all Lasombra are after world domination." - Richard2 "No, some have their sights set higher." - Joe "I guess we're looking for something to do with an instinctual knowledge of our ethics." - Richard2 "Ethics sucks... It's full of blond bimbos and shit." Joe. "Is that thing with Billy and the demon public knowledge now?" - Phill "No, the whole thing with <MENTIONS demon a> isn't known." - Richard2 "No, the demon of Alan's." - Phill "Oh, THAT demon!" - Richard2 "Yes, that's right. Spend Willpower to sell your friend's soul to the evil overlord." - Robert "Let's see if he wants to keep it as a pet *after* it sucks his testicles away!" - Richard2 "I'm sure we're just as dangerous as any other pack... of Oompa Loompas that happens to be around." - Robert, speaking of a werewolf pack. "The Children of Gaia can be just as dangerous as any other tribe of werewolves. I mean, have you ever *been* to one of their bake sales?" - Richard2 "Only *I* hunt Black Spiral Dancers for fun, and that's because I'm bordering on the psychotic." - James2 "Bordering? From which direction!?" - Richard2 "You're not stupid, you have the same intelligence as Billy." - James, Billy's player. "Oh, then you're *really* screwed!" - Trev. "Have you indulged in sex recently?" - Richard2 [looks at watch] - Phill "How did the Anarch Leader get your phone number?" - Glenn "Um, I AM the Anarch contact/diplomat." -Phill "I've just realised I'm going to be the chink in his armour." - Mark, as Chinese person being made armour by a blacksmith. "I've never tried Jedi Mind Tricking a gorilla, have I?" - Richard2, thoughtfully. "Well, I'm nearly dead, and there's not very much I can do." - Phill "Okay, are you going to die with dignity then?" - Richard2 "No, I'm going to try and poke his eye out again." - Phill "She's currently being thodded in the prigh by a meaty erection." - Rich2 "What does one do with a frenzying elder?" - Rich2 "Run" - Trev "Hide" - James "Disappear." - Rob "Could you please preach in the other direction?" - Glenn "Remind me again never to french kiss a demon." - Richard2 "Do I know that if I cut myself I can make it go blue?" - Mark "Well, yeah, if you leae it long enough." - Kelvin G "So you downloaded your personal trauma into his brain and he just said 'I'm not convinced!'?" - Kelvin G "Do you call eight warriors a barbarian horde?" - Richard2 "I do the way *my* accountants are billing it. - Joe "Being too old and powerful in my sight... sir." - Trev, explaining various vampiric sins. "Daniel, I know you're angry." "Yeah? How?" "A fly just came and tried to Embrace me in the kitchen." - Phill "You know, when you were very young, you were blood bonded by a door handle." - Phill "I see you get on well with the girl." - Andy "The girl?.... OH! Sophie!" - James "Well done, Robert, you seem to have created the ultimate drawing, that contains elements of everything... except quality." - Kelvin First words at the start of a game: "So, Cletus..." - Richard2 "OH fuck..." - Glenn. (Cletus' player) "She appears to be insane... she has a tea towel collection and carpet slippers." - Phill "You're feeling much better now, apart from the gaping hole in your chest." - Richard2 "Your character is basically an advanced public transport system, isn't he?" - Andy "Yes, in that he can take you anywhere you want but cause you great pain." - KelvinG "How good are your memory altering powers?" - KelvinG "Pretty good, why?" - Richard2 "Because we're gonna make this guy forget how to walk." - KG "No, I don't use my powers for that kind of thing." - R2 "Okay, I'll do it then." - KG "You can tell your memories have been changed because you can remember your memories." - Phill "I don't have any cat hairs in my Elysium." - Rob B "Ahh, you shave them upon entry." - Trev "And then there's Benares following me around like a fucking haemorrhoid." - Rich2 "Oh no! They've got through my inpenetrable defences and into my manse! It's a good thing I locked the library door!" - Joe "I go outside and exult int he sure knowledge of my destiny." - Joe "You get struck by lightning." - Rich2 "I shrug off the puny lightning." J "Those knives are made of forged souls." - Rob B "Well, as long as they weren't real ones, eh?" - Joe "I go out into the garden. What's Jake doing?" - Mark S "He seems to be sitting there communing with nature." - Phill "Okay, I'll slap him around the head." - MS "How's my horse?" - Alice "Cuts and scrapes, but mainly okay. You don't think she'll be flying any time soon, though - she needs proper veterinary care." - Joe "What?! How about duct tape?" - Alice "Well, I know this is a difficult situation, Beast, but if you can, diablerise her." - Phill, in an inner monologue. "So he DOES molest children then?" - James T "Well... only in the sense that he drinks their blood, yes." - Rich2 "Tzimisce's alive and well, and in Elysium." - Kelvin G "Would you like to be run over?" - Andy "It's Jordan! He went mad and we had to stake him! SHUT UP! Not you, the voices in my head!" - Rob B "He sounds DUTCH!" - Rob B, scathingly "He IS Dutch!" - Rich2 "Although I haven't seen him in his alternative form." - Alice "What, does he turn into a fire engine?" - Kelvin G "Where do you get the wood from? - Rich2 "I have 18 stakes on me." - Alice "So you're gonna kill yourself if need be?" - Kelvin G "Yep!" - Glenn "Excellent!" - KG "She's an English nanny with 10 points of Cthullhu Mythos? She really IS Mary Poppins, isn't she?" - Rich2 "I have two personalities. One is a serial killer. The other is an OBVIOUS serial killer." - Rich2 "At that moment a group of five orderlies comes running towards you." - Kelvin G "Oh, hello!" - Alice, brightly. (Kelvin leans forwards and leers threateningly) "With clubs." - KG "Eep!" - Alice "So what happens when you summon your god?" - Rich2 "Pain, blood, an orgy of murder." - Kelvin G (Leaning forward, interested) "Tell me more about your god." - Richard2, playing the serial killer from above "The secretary from the elysium walks in." - Kelvin G "No, I killed him." - Rich2, as the same serial killer "Oh yes, someone else you recognise from the Asylum walks in - KG "New York burns in the aftermath of the Gangrel Attack... Three days pass." - Rich2 "Can I learn Quietus?!" - Rob B "Did you manage to get close to her?" - Rich2 "Well, she frenzied in the back of my car." - Andy "I HAVE read some of Richard<2>'s books... Admittedly, I DID have to buy DIFFERENT copies and read those." - Kelvin G "Oh no, this has gone completely wrong." "No, wait, it's just upside down." - Glenn "Well, you've only just died. Maybe it'll come to you." - Richard2 "Can I spend TEN Willpower points?!" - Alice "Don't abuse being an Antedeluvian!" - Richard2 "I'll see your two Tradition mages and raise you a Technocracy operative." - Rich2 "Ahhh, we can grow those in a vat." Jason, dismissively "Can you tell me what these are?" - Rich2, as a cop, handling someone's stakes "Door wedges." - Alice "So, I'm sitting there drinking in a bar and a cherub walks in?" - Jason "No, it flies." - Glenn "They probably got all those demons and automata from final year projects, you know. I mean, what else do you do when you finish a dissertation? You get it bound and put it in the library." - Anthony "You fool! This diary is covered in deadly contact poison! Had egg for breakfast today." Joe - diary of a dynast "This man called me a competent goatsucker!" - Rich2, indignant. "Are you saying that you're bad at it?" - Anthony "You killed my father!... thus making me the master of my house. Here is your money, thank you." - Joe "I think all Jaffa cakes are vegetarian." - Joe "Well, I've never seen one eat meat... " - Ian M "I didn't kneecap Scotty... I just shot him in the leg." - Rich1 "Are you a masochist, man, studying maths?" - Rich2 "Yeah, are you a mathochist?" - Spog "The dog comes over and up against your leg." - Stuart "The dog comes against my leg?!" - Giovanni "You see a cloaked black shadow with red eyes." - Stuart "Does it look menacing?" - Mauritzio "You don't know hat that Watcher's doing, but..." - Stuart "Watching?" - Rich2 "She went to work for two months in a psychiatrist." - Stuart "I'm a coward! You want me to step out?!" - Marc "Yes." - Stuart, as NPC "Okay, I step out." - Marc "She shoots you with a tazer." - Stuart "I'm alone in the house with a man called Death, and he just shot my dog." - Marc "Don't let anyone see you." - Rich1 "Yeah, that's why I'm staying visible." - Stuart "C'mon, there could be more people shot upstairs. How did these people get shot, anyway?" - Rich1 "That's pretty simple; I shot them. *bang*" - GM "Hello, it's me." - Rich1 "Ah, hello, me. I didn't know I could be in two places at once." - Stuart "He comes around the corner with his assault rifle." - Stuart "Then I'll get a pepper rifle and we'll make a perfect team." - Rich2 "Where is she now?" - GM "Safe." - Spog, whispering. "You locked her in a SAFE?!" - Rich2 "There are a lot of people running around and screaming." - GM "I know what I'm doing on my action." - Joe "Running around screaming?" - Everyone "Shroud steps into a darkened corner and vanishes." - Rich2 "Ahem, this one's taken." - Joe "Humanity, oh yes, I knew I needed something." - Jason "If Sherlock Holmes were here, what would he think you are?" - Rich2 "Competition." - Jason "Have you done anything dramatic?" - Rich2 "I learnt Romanian" - Rob "Well, I have his phone number, so I can eat him later." - Alice "Oh, by the way, I've managed to work out how to destroy the world!" - Rob, happily "I'm half Scandanavian." - Alice "Oh, which part?" - Dimitri "This half." - Alice, gesturing towards half of her body. "You don't HAVE to sacrifice yourself." - Andy "I want to! I'm a Martyr, I'll get willpower back!" - Dimitri "Not if you don't survive..." - Everyone "If I don't survive, they'll save me." - Dimitri - in a game where there's no coming back from the dead. "Can I just mug someone, or is that not allowed?" - Ducttape "My lips are heavy." - Dimitri, demonstrating why tequila and roleplaying do not go together. "I look at you icily as you walk across the room." - Alice "I don't even BOTHER to look at YOU." - Rob "I have to roleplay my character." - Dimitri "That's what got you killed last time." - Allison "I have MILK!" - Alice, triumphantly. "We sent you for information, and you came back with MILK?" - Jason "I'm not mad, madam. I'm a juggler." - Jason "So I'm running off with your wife." - Rob "It's okay. She only constantly whined about money, anyway." - Jason "Last time I checked, it's not actually a crime to hover and glow." - Rich2 "DAMN not having Essence - at the moment I'm little more than a glowing librarian." - Andy "But not turning me into a human pretzel, though, right?" - Ducttape "No, no, you're a vampire." - Allison "Yeah, I can understand that. Nobody likes to feel useless, DO THEY, Dimitri?" - Rich2 "What?" - Dimitri "That's my point! There are NO brains on the floor... there MUST be an undead army!" - Allison "But this is America. Hugely large breasts are the norm." - Alice "Yeah, and that's just the men!" - Jason "You WERE arrested - they read you your rights and everything." - Rich2 "Only because I didn't go with them voluntarily!" - Alice "So how hungry ARE you people?" - Ducttape "I could quite happily drink seven pints of blood." - Alice "I could eat a WHOLE PERSON." - Rob "I could murder an Indian." - Jason "Could we just tally up what we've got between us?" - Jason "Vast sorcerous power!" - Rob "Vast sorcerous power, check." - Jason "Do you think my skills are good enough to fake orgasm?" - Dimitri "You can have hepatitis and LIKE it." - Rich2 "If I said to you that I am a gentleman travelling from the East?" - Rich2 "Then I would say that I am a gentleman travelling from the West." - Rich2 "Ah, so you're from Wales." - Chris R "Athena, go down to the meat packing warehouse and fetch a couple of pints of blood." - Rich2 "If they ask, tell them it's for an art project." - Allison "It's the middle of the night!" - Andy "It's the middle of the NIGHT?!" - Alice "Of COURSE it is, you've been fighting VAMPIRES!" - Andy "She doesn't WANT to get drunk!" - Rich2 "You've got a mind-control charm, help her!" - Rob "Rob, you're so wonderful and multifunctional. You sew, you crochet... you'll make someone a LOVELY house- wife one of these days." - Alice "Yes, Possibly out of that string." - Anthony "Was it a male or a female wolf-spider" - Chris "I'll roll it at random." Rolls the die. "Female." - Rich2 "So it doesn't have antlers then!" - Alice, triumphantly "All this green... the trees are green, the people are green, the only things that AREN'T green are small, wriggly animals." - Andy (Terran, depressed) "Oh, Terran, you sound sad... Are you jaded or something?" - Alice, innocently. "This puling weakling is selling human flesh." - Joe "My goodness! How tasteless!" - Rich2 "No... salty, a little porky..." - Joe "Have you got skin of the hunning cunter up?" - Rich2, in an embarrassing spoonerism. "My darling, I could not make you a gift, but I had this made up for you." - Anthony, passing invisible gift. "Oh, thank you!! It's Lovely!!!" - Alice "Errr... that's just the box..." - Anthony "Who are you taking to help you, Ally?" - Andy "I'M going?!" - Ally "You see the rag-tag mob run into the clearing." - Chris "Are we there yet?" - Rob "I was talking about you!" - Chris "Dimitri! I choose YOU!" - Andy "What?" - Dimitri "Hah! You can only make your eyes glow ONE colour! Puny amateur!" - Rob "Fuck off." - Chris "This is great! We find an island of dinosaur people and you have to ask US not to eat THEM!" - Jason "See?! You've doomed us all AGAIN." - Anthony "Wow! That's three times in one session now!" - Jason, happily "Hey! Two out of my three personalities agree on this!" - Jason "The self-destruct button destroys the entire island in a massive explosion." - Rich2 "Well, that was a GREAT line to walk back in on." - Jason "Well, my eyelash glue disappeared, so I had to use UHU." - Alice "You see her sneaking up behind him to ram the spike-dildo into his heart... I can't believe I just said that." - Rich2 "If someone said 'Brothel' to Darreth, he'd probably say 'meat, gravy, a few potatos, not over-boiled...'" - Joe "Sharp things should just NOT be sticky." - Rich2 "What about a stick?" - Chris "So I guess that's those two going." - Andy "Yeah, okay." - Allison, one of the two mentioned above "Hang on?! What am I agreeing to?!" - Allison "Look at Grace. She turned out really well. She steals cars, she hides bodies..." - Rob "So can you remind me what I forgot? I can't remember what it was." - Rich2 "I'm a master of antidotes, what could possibly go wrong?" - Allison "You're not the ageing martial artist monk this time then." - Rich2 "Not YET, no." - Graham "Why are you teenagers here? And why is HE dead?" - Anthony "Well, he seems to have big weapons, so I'm not arguing with him, whoever he is." "I was in the middle of a combat scene, sorry, I got distracted by Israel." - Rich2 "I am a NINJA! We are always sincere." - Graham "What do you have there?" - Joe "A map." - Anthony "How quaint." - Joe "If you can make bread rain from the sky, surely you can make WATER rain from the sky?" - Andy "Why would it rain from the sky?!" - Rob, genuinely confused "Water to hydrofluoric acid! MWahhahahaha!" - Rob "That would be the EVIL Jesus." - Anthony "That'll teach those Malfean scum to think they're more powerful than a small group of inexperienced, half-gilgul'd Mages!" - Rob "Anyway, we digress." - Graham "Yes, nuclear suppositories aside..." - Allison "Hey, your knees are undone!" - Rich2 "Yeah, I know." - Graham "...so maybe you need a good suit to go to London and hang out with big-nobs." - Rich2 "... errr... hob-nob with big-wigs." - Rich2 "I wave the gun threateningly!" - Rob "I wouldn't take any action - he could shoot EITHER of us." - Andy (Rob's Ally) "And then he's attacked by a snarling bundle of angry muscle and designer clothing." - Rich2 "If you can come up with name and cover story for me, yeah... wait! I could be an evil lawyer." - Ally "No, a FAKE cover story." - Jason "Now we see the terrible pride and hubris that brought the Solars low." - Rich2 "Yeah, they thought they could use charms on camels." - Joe "I'm never trapped - I can drip up walls." - Ally "We're being attacked by extra-dimensional rabbits." - Ally "Groovy" - Jason "Unfortunately we just need a bit more than cool to dtive off rabbits." - Alice "If I conjure lava on to power cables, will it cause a power cut?" - Rob "Bethran takes off with a burst of speed she's never shown before today." - Andy "As if she's been taking steroids." - Chris "No, demonic investments." - Rich2 "Same thing." - Chris "YOu will NOT use your feminine wiles to distract me... unless instructed to do so." - Joe, grinning. "If she wants to use her feminine skills, she can tidy this place up." - Joe "Joe, are you playing tonight?" - Jenny "No, I left ten minutes ago." - Joe Pause, computer game falls silent. "Oh crap." - Joe, followed by sounds of rapid movement. "You've got soft!" - Glenn "I've been dead!"- James "Oh yeah, how was it?" - Glenn "Helloo, Gangrel, have you come up with anything?" - Ally "Yeah, we're just going to walk in." - Glenn "I don't actually know how to deal with a mad Malkavian - the others have been so sensible!" - Ally "Puny Tremere magics!" - Rob "Don't make me upgrade!" - Andy "I have some business to do." - Rob "Go and find a bush and do it quietly." - Jon "I introduce myself as Lord Lewis, childe of, childe of, blah, blah." - Rob "You've got your lineage written down somewhere." - Rich2 "HE stole it." - Rob, pointing at player who had borrowed the sheet of notes after using the Blood Walk ritual. "The Tremere stole my heritage!" - Rob, playing a Tzimisce. "Hah! Yea, verily I have taken your domain. Now I shall rape your houses and burn your women." - Danov "Why, are you after cats too?" - Glenn "No, I just use them occasionally to steal the souls of small children." - Rob "Oh, that's okay then." - Glenn "It was the demon-summoning bit that was bad, the rest of it was okay." - Glenn "You can just see the patterns... SEEEE the patterns." - Danov "What're you talking about, Eyes of Chaos again?" - Rich2, re-entering the room. "No, Minesweeper." - David "You're going to rob a bank, at midnight?" - Rob3 "Yeah, I'm a ghost." - Tank "You're a moron!" - Jon "Joe, make a Perception + Awareness roll." - Rich2 "Attributes are 8, 6, 4 right? I knew I'd forgotten something." - Joe "Hmm. Is that your savant, or just a man on a flying horse?" - Joe "Would he consider selling his horse?" - Joe "I don't think the horse would want to be sold." - Ally "Well... he would be put out to stud." - Joe "I can't help but notice that the girl you brought is now a pile of ash." - Joe "Quiet, there's a Toreador speaking - he may say something amusing." - Danov "I don't ONLY summon banes... I also kill old people in their beds and eat the souls of children." - Rob "What could bring Rodriguez back? There's nothing good or virtuous that he wants. Oh, except love." - Danov "I've got the skin mask of my dead girlfriend in my right pocket and a dark evil Spectre artefact in my left pocket." - Danov "I like the way that makes the spectre artefact closer to your heart." - Cael "Banner of Celestial Might - that's a GREAT name for a spell! Now, what would it do?" - Rob "I already know he's crap in melee and stuff. However, he's very proficient in sinking people into the ground up to their neck and covering them in lava." - Chris "So are you following ME tonight then? Oh good, if you see I'm about to get the shit kicked out of me, feel free to join in." - Ally "Darreth... you're my champion." - Jon "Okay... errr... don't women have champions, though?" - Rob "..." - Jon "Hey, there's nothing wrong with green ginger wine! I LIKE green ginger wine! My grandmother gets it for me." - Danov "We've got a social next month" - John Bishop "A social next month... " - Spog looking at his vampire character sheet "Does that mean we have a mental the following month.. and a physical the month after? I'm SO not going to the physical!!" - Spog
