Battlestar Orion Quotebook

From Kent Adventure Gaming Society Wiki

Contents 1 Session One 2 Session Two 3 Session Three 4 Session Four 5 Session 5

Session One

• "Report to port starboard …. oh, wait..." -Andrew gets confused on his landing instructions.

• "Ma'am, would you please drop your holster to the floor." -Andrew's attempt of saving the Commander from being shot by the XO.

• "Who are our deckhands? Could one of you come up here with a mop?" -Andrew needs a tidy CIC to work after his XO is shot.

• "I vent chunks of brain out of the airlock." -Rob takes drastic measures to remove the XO's remains.

• "I go back to CIC and stand in the puddle of blood Rob left." -Andrew wastes no time with his new position.

• “I got rid of the chunks, but there's still a lot of water left.” -Rob can't find a mop.

• "Right, I'm going to go hide in the back, sir." -Robs first encounter with a Cylon fleet goes well.

• "Rodger that, you are cleared for an emergency crash-landing." -Andrew has little faith in Orion's pilots.

• “They don't have a shooting skill... useful.” -There's something very wrong with Glenn's Cylon Raiders.

• “No, I'd like someone who isn't retarded.” -Andrew finds Rob's intelligence lacking

• “My planet, Tauron, has just been destroyed.” “Oh, no! (sarcasm)- I actually do that in character.” -Rodge loses his colony to the surprise Cylon attack and Andrew feels so sympathetic.

• "You find a switch for sheep's clothing mode" -Glenn describes the X7 to Rob and Gareth.

• "The ship's got engines, sir, which means it could be moving, but it isn't at the moment." -Rob fails both a search and intelligence check

• "Re-paint that ship, and don't let Chief catch you again." -Ian delivers his verdict after the Chief catches Louise painting a Viper bright pink

• “Would I notice if it smelled any different?” "Would I notice if it tasted any different?” -Rob attempts to trump Gareth's enhanced sense

• "It looks perfectly fine to me, sir. Would you like me to make something wrong with it?" -Rob's Assessment of Brother Cavil's FTL drive

Session Two

• "I'm lost..." "The other side" "I'm still lost!" - Gareth attempts to find the ship schematics on Glenn's map

• "Greetings, Mr. Brother Cavil" - Rodge overdoes it with his introduction

• "Can I roll perception for the mop culprit? I have d4" - Rob has more enthusiasm than stats

• "Even though you're weedy and you're sadistic and insane, it's better than those two" "But he'd end up inserting the mop somewhere painful... don't put that in the quotes" - Andrew and Ian discuss the merits of taking along the pilots as opposed to the deckhands

• "I'll take Cavil to his water boarding appointment now" - Ian appears to have taken sadistic during character creation

• "Actually, sir, I think there is a step of evolution between us two" - Rob muses (he's right)

• "I don't know what he's going to do, but it's going to be something stupid" - Ian states the obvious as Andrew has his pilots ram their ship into Ian's raptor

• "You jump away and rip the rest of the ship apart. You also rip Ian apart" - Glenn is happiest killing off the PCs

• "I've got a backpack that probably has an extra second of air in it" - Rob attemps to find air in half a ship

• "Well I'm sorry sir, but we weren't trained to ram other raptors in mid-flight" "Maybe you should suggest that to the CAG!" - Ian wants to re-train his raptor pilots

• "Can you improve it?" "I could give it a shot" "No, I don't want you to shoot it" "Well maybe that's where I was going wrong then, sir" - Andrew and Rob argue over the best way to fix the raptor

• "This is a space suit. It makes you live" "She doesn't understand" "Make the jump" - Rodge realises the futility of talking to Gareth

• "I've got this engineering book here. Does this [writing] look like squiggles to you? It does to me" - Louise attemps to help Rob distinguish between the stange symbols he can read and normal writing

• "I want you to mop the ceiling" "I jump up and down trying to mop the ceiling" - Louise uses Rob's stupidity to distract him and shut him in an airlock

• "Can I have a weapon, please?" "No, but you can have another mop" "Cool, can I duel-wield them?" - Andrew doesn't trust Rob with anything but cleaning utensils

• "Solve this puzzle: 8 + 7" *Rolls* "I get a one. Sir, it's making my brain hurt!" - Rob fails Andrew's maths challenge

Session Three

• "And finally... hang on, that's only one group..." - Andrew loses count of his marines during briefing

• "I didn't hand my essay in on time because Admiral Akbar said it was a trap" -

• "You are standing behind an extremely fragile crate with a sign on it saying: 'Don't shoot me please, I'm not a medic'" - Andrew gives Rob a safe place to take cover

• "Would there be any trained gorillas on this as well? I think they would make excellent weapon specialists" - Rodge holds the great apes in higher regards than the deckhands

• "I require you to disable the FTL drive" "Right then. What's that, sir?" Rob apparently doesn't know what he was fixing last week

• "I give a rousing speech" "I am aroused" - Rob takes a very different kind of inspiration from Andrew's speeches

• "Go find a dog and have sex with it" "I do have animal handling..." - No comment

• "You can't just move the water about unless you put it somewhere else. You see, sir, it's one of the fundimental mopping principles" - Rob's not just an idiot - he's an idiot with a mop complex

• "I run out of battle and try and make a bomb out of a fire extinguisher and a rope" - This bomb was not actually used during the game

• "I take the mop and smother Rob with it" "That's water boarding lite, that is" - Louise is not impressed when Rob decides to have a nap in the middle of the mission

• "How many plot points would I need to make the monkeys my parents?" - Rob muses

• "I'll give you this form to fill in if you come to my quarters" "That's what the priest said, sir" - Rob is traumatised after Louise takes him to be exorcized

• "If someone gave you a stick of dynamite, would you drop it, eat it, or run away?" "I'd mop it" - Rob fails yet another intelligence check

Session Four

• "I send you a full list of every female's performance rated from 1 to 10." Robert finishes his fleet Masterpiece.

• "Wow that's a lot of women a night. The man's a machine, wait he's a Cylon" Rodge jokes about Robert's sexual experience, how little he knew.

• "Mops for all" Robert's new Campaign slogan to win the election

• "Wait was that 7 seconds" Ian defeats Andrew at boxing after he knocks the commander out

• "He opens his coat full of silencers" Glenn's black market is both specific and creepy'

• "Vote for Him, Vote for this Man!" Rodge is arrested after an attempted assassination and tries to win votes for Rob

• "His whole constituency is full of Cylons."

• "There was that monkey sir!" Glenn's CMO tires to prove his capabilities as a doctor when 80% of his readings turn out Cylons.

• "NO RAPE!" - Rodge tries to defend himself from Sam's interrogation techniques.

• "She's a Cylon therefore logically I'm not" Rodge uses his logic to prove his innocence

• "Well I know the History of the Mop in that it were used to try and mop up all the water on Aquaria" Robert defends the proud History of the mop to the History teacher and the Aquarian.

• "Don't let him near a mop its the basis of all Cylon technology" Sam goes insane

• "I've had that airlock thing twice already" Sam's threats of throwing Rob out the airlock don't go to plan

• "I'm sorry I've only rated you a 5" Rob feels that he wronged the Cylon by giving her a subpar score

• "I'm locked in a cell with molebut" Rob reveals a little too much information about his fellow Cylon

• That's gonna need an entirely different rating!" Specialist Meemee and D'anna are locked in the brig together and Rob is a bit lustful.

Session 5

• "I get in the Vauxhall Astra... yes, it is on the map" "I think it may be a 4x4 of some sort" - Andrew and Rodge discuss the car parked inside the Griffin

• "Do we have any other business here?" "Go to the gift shop" - Sam is convinced that base stars are tourist attractions

• "Give them a nuke - BOOM! Love flytrap" - Ian feels the compulsion to blow up the cylons

• "If you'd like to have a moment in private so we don't have to listen to Glenn roleplay with himself" - Andrew metagames with the GM

• "Attention all deckhands. Ha ha, you're a cylon. That is all" - Andrew abuses the comms

• "Could you tear off a cell bar, throw it at the speaker, then sit down not realising you can escape, as is fitting for your intelligence" - Rodge feels that Rob is being too intelligent this session

"*I'm going to use the paper, needle and my own blood to forge a cylon certificate saying I'm human. I get a 1" "You slice your arm open" - Rob is accidentally suicidal

• "I'm feeling a bit woozy. Can I go out and get some fresh air?" - Rob forgets there's no air in space.

• "You get given a mop from the mop room. It used to be your quarters." - Andrew secretly converted Rob's room whilst he was in the brigg

• "And I'm also sending you into re-education for what gender is which." "Does that mean I get to look at boobies, sir?" - Louise fails to resist the urge to facepalm

• "Can I write 'probably not a Cylon" at the bottom of my leaflets?" - Rob refuses to face reality

• "My, my, my, Mr. Roe. What have you gotten yourself into?" "It looks like a cell to me." - Rodge fails to understand what Andrew is asking him

• "I get a 12" "You've knocked me out. That's the end of this concersation" "What are you wearing?" - Andrew knocks Rodge out during questioning, then proceeds down a very suspect line of thought

• "Why do marines not have perception?" "They don't have discipline either!" - Glenn's NPCs are badly statted

• "Sir, you're under arrest for providing a prisoner with a weapon" "It was so he could kill himself" "Ah, so that's what it was for..." - Andrew fails his bluff check. So does Rodge

• "Can I go to the brigg and say 'ha ha, you're a traitor'?" - Rob plots his revenge

• "The guards strip search you" "They find 12 machine guns" - Andrew goes for overkill

• "Hello again, are you the reason my anus hurts?" - The less said about what happened when Rodge was unconcious, the better

• "What's Sam doing?" "He's trying to slip hallucinogens into Andrew's food" - Sam raises the level of insanity

• "Wow! My hands can touch everything but each other... oh wait..." - Andrew feels the effects of the drugs

• "Cylons are bad! They eat babies! EAGLES!!! Vote specialist Speck - he's awesome; I hate him. It's not because he's a cylon, it's especially that" - Andrew's drugged-up message is broadcast over the entire battlestar

• "I'm talking to that marine, that marine, and the pink bunny" - Andrew continues to hallucinate

• "There is no spoon." "There is no spoon" - The marines fail to counter Andrew's persuasion roll

• "I'm trying to persuade you, in a non-sexual way" - Andrew's comments worry Rodge

• "I don't quite know what happened, but it must have been a good night. How many plot points to make the commander into bondage?" - Rob wakes up strapped to a bed in the medical centre and thinks naughty thoughts

• "I get up and start doing the time warp while projectile vomiting" - Andrew continues to suffer

• "You can't do any stealth in there if it's squeaky clean... How would you feel about armies of monkeys?" - Rodge points out the flaw in Andrew's plan and suggests another one

• "Do I have to make some sort of check to stop myself suffocating?" "He has magical mop powers!" - Andrew appears to be hallucinating out of character as well as in

• "Right, now go and mop CIC" "OK, I go and mop CIC" - Rob still follows Louise's commands despite her having just smothered him with his mop

• "You need to get a combined score of 115" "We get it in 6 sets of rolls" - Rodge, Ian and Louise manage a succession of good rolls

• "Shoot the base star." "What with?" "I've got a car" - Andrew is a bit over-optimistic

• "He's wearing a white suit. I use him as a flag" - Louise surrenders using Rodge's corpse